stitchwhich (
stitchwhich) wrote2008-12-12 02:27 am
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Wow - I'd rant but I can't.
My hands are shaking, I am so, so... I can't describe it. I can't.
Angry.
Hurt.
Frustrated.
Angry.
It will pass. I've had plenty of practice making it pass, centering, remembering that it is far in the past and not my present. Not my present.
I have a loving husband. Beautiful sons. Supportive and talented friends far more than I will ever deserve. I can see the joyful moments and hold them close, closer than those other times. I have long outlived the bastards, by god. They are not in my life any longer and never will be again.
But every once in a while something comes up out of the blue and reminds me that for a good part of my youth I was a helpless and abused girl who had to live without justice, whose family and friends said, "If you won't tell the grown-ups, the teacher/the police weren't called, it wasn't real, it doesn't count. You're not really hurt" or "Stop being a goody-two-shoes. It's not that bad. It's not like you were really hurt. No one would believe you anyway."
Or even, "You must have liked it since you never told."
Fuck them.
And (to whoever) thanks for the returning nightmares...
Angry.
Hurt.
Frustrated.
Angry.
It will pass. I've had plenty of practice making it pass, centering, remembering that it is far in the past and not my present. Not my present.
I have a loving husband. Beautiful sons. Supportive and talented friends far more than I will ever deserve. I can see the joyful moments and hold them close, closer than those other times. I have long outlived the bastards, by god. They are not in my life any longer and never will be again.
But every once in a while something comes up out of the blue and reminds me that for a good part of my youth I was a helpless and abused girl who had to live without justice, whose family and friends said, "If you won't tell the grown-ups, the teacher/the police weren't called, it wasn't real, it doesn't count. You're not really hurt" or "Stop being a goody-two-shoes. It's not that bad. It's not like you were really hurt. No one would believe you anyway."
Or even, "You must have liked it since you never told."
Fuck them.
And (to whoever) thanks for the returning nightmares...