(no subject)

I need to sleep. I know that. But I can't. I just keep starting to cry.

I almost lost him. I can't believe it - I almost lost him. Just like that. One minute he's talking to me and feeling sheepish about waking me up and the next minute he's gone. They brought him back, twice. They shipped him off to the best cardiac hospital in the area and put a stent in - an artery was blocked 100%. Now it's clear.

But to see him, so still, so silent, with all those tubes... god. He can't even breath on his own. I know that's because they want it that way but - - - it doesn't help.

I need to figure out how to make myself sleep. I've got to go back when they'll let me back in again. Don't want to miss the window of opportunity.

I just keep crying.

Better at home than in the hospital, right?

(no subject)

Home again. Calming down.

He was off of the ventelator when we went back this afternoon, sitting up in his bad half-watching TV. he still has both hands covered with tubes and tape, and (poor man) I don't want to be there when all the sticky stuff is taken off of his chest. I don't like it when my husband has to have a defibulator taped to his chest.

His wits are normal, his stats are too, and he's already making bad jokes about stuff and asking for his book to read.

Thank the Gods and all of our friend's prayers.

I'm going back in the morning but first - some sleep. Now I won't be afraid to close my eyes.