Thoughts

Pennsic prep has consumed my last couple of weeks, especially in the online aspect. Previously when I had the job I only had to deal with emails and the occasional phone call. I had no idea that with the advent of social media every day was going to start with a conversation about the Pennsic Troll Booth even before I was out of bed and be garnished with more conversations throughout the day and into the after-midnight hours. I like helping those who have concerns. It feels good. I dislike dealing with my Pennsic boss and now have a mental litany, "three more weeks, just three more weeks and then you never have to deal with her again." A friend asked me about what I was struggling with regarding the woman and I gave a short explanation, and, trying to be compassionate and understanding, said, "She is an insecure needy person who doesn't value herself and can only remedy that by trying to make other people "less" than herself. She has no clue that her behaviour underlines the reasons other people do not respect her." To which my friend replied, "She's a bully." and that hit me between the eyes. She is exactly that and in trying to just deal with her effectively for my job, I never put the profile together. Bossman had said something like that last year when she insulted him in front of others but it hadn't registered when he was telling me about it. So I don't know if this is a passive-aggressive move or not, but I am printing up a few cards with this on them:

"Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships
through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends
to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an
individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over
one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening."
- National Centre Against Bullying

Because I know her nasty side will rise in the middle of the stressful Land Grab weekend and she will hurt and insult others while "doing her job" inside the troll booth (read: usurping mine). So I am prepared to monitor her and if I see/hear it happening, to pull her aside, tell her privately that what she is doing will not be tolerated, and give her the card with the definition on it since I know that her very first response would be to tell me that I am wrong and she's not being a bully. This way I can say, "this is what your behaviour presents as" and suggest that she takes a break or something. I'm pretty sure that she'll then try to turn it around by verbally attacking me. And if that scenario doesn't play out, if I can't get her to step aside with me or if she does but then continues the behaviour afterwards, I am going to contact the Mayor and ask him to remove her from my area. I will not allow my volunteers to be abused. Or, by Gawd, myself. The trained SCA mindset of "just work around them" has had me in thrall for too long but I am finally awake. It is too, too easy to "be understanding" or "forbearing" and step around the broken stair rather than calling them on their behaviour.

Weather and air quality has me concerned for the event. Especially weather. I am not acclimatized this year and am physically weaker than I'd been last year. Thank goodness our camp has electricity. We're bringing two or three fans and between that and the fans & shade down at the troll booth I should be okay. I won't be doing a lot of walking or visiting though we're bringing my little folding stool that I can sit on for a break whenever I get winded. Yeah, I probably should bite the bullet and get a powered scooter but good gravy, while they are not too expensive I am obese and need it at a campsite - heavy duty and with big wheels, in other words, and it'd require a trailer to get it to and from our home. I've only got one more Pennsic on my horizon. I can walk it.

I've been sewing when I haven't been dealing with social media or emails. Slowly, oh so slowly. I've made four lined hoods, two tunics, and have applied trim to a tunic I found in my work pile and have never worn. (and oy! Applying flat trim around an already completed tunic - what was I thinking?) I have only two sewing projects left to accomplish before we switch to packing the truck on Saturday. A pair of draw-string linen trous my spouse pulled the strings out of, and making a handful of "cooling bead neckerchiefs". I'm doing the cooling bead job first. While I've never made any before, those will be much less hassle than taking the waistband for the trous apart. They are well made modern pants with a duel-elastic waistband. The drawstrings are anchored in the middle of the back of waistband so I will have to use the seam ripper to access that area and then see if it will be a simple repair or if I will need to redo the entire thing. The anchor straddles the two channels of elastic. And he tells me that he "seems to be missing a lot of his SCA trous". I'm hoping they just got mixed in my mine since they were all the same sizes and colors because it is certainly too late for me to try to make any. He'd borrowed a pair of mine one long-ago event and liked them, and since I bought them in extra-long, they fit his long legs. Over time some shrank and became just mine but during post-event laundry it is easy to get them mixed up with each other's, even though we tagged them to avoid that.

Our struggles with the downed willow tree continue. While the city does pick up yard waste, including tree branches, they are haphazard about it. Today was trash day and none of the piles of carefully cut wood were removed. Then again, our regular trash and recycling wasn't removed either. It makes me want to shake my head. Why does it have to be the last trash day before we go on vacation? And we found a steady line of wood ants climbing our porch pillars when we went out to check the status of the wood piles. It is too late before we leave to get a service call to take care of that so it'll be the first thing I get done once we're home again.

[Update] The cooling beads were a bust. They were very tiny and I thought they'd swell up a lot but they didn't. This is what I get for mail ordering them without getting a referral from a previously happy customer. I just bought the wrong brand, it looks like.

I just caught up on about two weeks of reading... boy, I've been off about being on my computer. I did manage to re-write the text for the Pennsic Troll webpage and submit it. Three, no four, times. Currently there is an updated version online but it is version two or three, not the final one that had been long-distance edited by my Pennsic boss. and I think lost in her inbox.

We attended the staff meeting at Cooper's Lake during Aethelmark War Practice. As usual, it was cold and raining. I am so glad we opted to stay in a hotel this time. Yeah, it cost more than camping would have, but not having to deal with midnight potty runs in the rain made it worth it. I was able to confirm that my Pennsic Boss (PB from now on) was, in fact, lying to me about this and that concerning my department and her interaction with it, but I was able to assure the Mayor that it wouldn't be a problem - I pretty much know what sparks the warping of his words or any decisions by my boss and I can work around it. And already my eyes are starting to focus on next year's war when she won't be in charge of our section of staff.

A friend is 3-D printing a humongous five-part cylinder to mount somewhere in the Troll Booth. He's made it in dark blue and green; two of the rotating sections are green and three are blue. We will use this to keep count of how many people have registered each day. It can't be connected to our computers to do it automatically but that is okay. And man, those wheels are big! Probably ten inches in diameter. That takes a lot of filament, which he is donating. My budget swings more towards the dry erase board category. He's filling the numbers on each wheel with white epoxy so they show up well against the base colors. I don't know how, or where, this is going to be mounted but I am pleased about being able to return to providing a running count for interested passersby. We are also getting one of those weird posters with a figure whose face is cut out so a human can stand behind and put their own face in the hole for a photo. It is a corny idea (it was my corny idea) but I think it will make people laugh. Even though we're moving away from the job title of "Troll", the figure is going to be one of these https://www.etsy.com/listing/978548581/90s-tnt-troll-doll-vintage-troll-doll . I don't know exactly what it will look like as the person in charge of Pennsic Beautification lit up when I asked about doing it and they took off with the idea. So we'll see. This one will be set up on the volunteer's side, as they are the ones who get to be "trolls". It is possible that there may be other cutout figures posted along the path where our registration line will be so folks can amuse themselves while they wait to check in. Baroness Tysha (the Beautification person) was pretty excited about the idea. She'd made some small ones last year for kids but I think she is excited about coming up with something larger to relieve the boredom of the line-waiting.

I am planning on spending my own money to augment the snacks we offer to our volunteers. Not a crazy amount but I want to bring in a few small comforts. Our budget is woefully small and will not be getting any larger. All too often a Mayor even tries to eliminate it completely. We do get a Keurig coffee machine and those boxes of mixed types of coffee & tea, and we get name-brand sodas (there have been years when we did not!!) but the munchies have been abysmal for the most part. Welch's fruit gummies (those are disgusting), Utz chips, and hard candies. Sometimes a cookie tray of the type often seen in a office training session. It is too hot to lay in any chocolate candies but I'm going to see if I can scout out any decently priced chocolate cookies. I have to have them in their own serving-sized sealed bags as we can't have different fingers reaching into the same container of open food. Could you imagine! Which is a shame because I would have loved to stock one of those big barrels of Red Vine licorices. Maybe I can if I glue a set of tongs on a string along the side of the container. That would be amusing.

The new nomenclature for the department is "Head Tolner" (once Head Troll) -> "Tolners" (shift supervisors) -> "Clerks" (those who man the computers.) In a few years we'll have people inured to saying "Tolner" rather than "Troll". This is a Directive From On High but I got to choose the replacement term and I like using one which existed medievally for "the person who takes money to let you in".

I am bringing appreciation gifts for my Tolners. Just before Covid shut everything down I was slated to be the Autocrat for our Kingdom Arts and Sciences Festival, which was also going to feature the investiture of our new Baron and Baroness. I had enough time to make "big" event tokens so I knit about 200 multicolored bags https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10158652693439283&set=a.196689984282 , https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10158452111494283&set=a.196689984282 , https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10158494862459283&set=a.196689984282 ... they are of acrylic yarn and are sized so a person who drinks Gatoraid could hide their bottle in the bag. Anyway, even after giving a bunch away I still have well over 100 of them, none matching. I'm going to bring the whole shebang with me and offer my Tolners their choice of bag stuffed with an assortment of Kasugai gummy candy. It is so very tasty. And is gluten free and low on carbs too. As a diabetic, I can have four pieces and stay within my snack allowance. The flavors are good enough that four pieces satisfy a person. I love, love, love the Muscat flavored ones. Some of those will be reserved for the Head Tolner. Heh. The rest of the bags will be offered to those whose faces I see often within the pavilion. And if I have any leftover gummies, I will offer those, too. I'd like to avoid loading anyone down with useless stuff to schlep home.

I still haven't started a Standard Operating Procedure book yet. I need to get on that. I also need to talk to Maylene, who is the person on Cooper staff in charge of their side of the booth. She'd be best able to walk me through the computer functions my PB didn't bother to teach me about. I can't really write anything about those from here until I know what all I should know. As it were.

Oh, and today is our 46th wedding anniversary. We aren't doing anything for it - "46" seems a bit lame when we're working towards "50" in just a few years.

We're home from Pennsic.

I have not had a Pennsic that was so difficult ever, in the 29 years I have been attending. I'd agreed to be a deputy to a department head, who is already overwhelmed with life and on top of that had their son & family coming for a first-ever visit with their grandchild while staying in their camp... and they are the camp master, to add to their stress. They're also a micro-manager who does not believe in training their subordinates and responds to every question or suggestion with a loud and public diatribe about why the speaker is wrong. We bled out volunteers as if we had a cardiac wound. Extensive training-from-below was applied by me, discussions held with their direct superior to reinforce "volunteer management advice" and I bit the inside of my cheek so much I ended up with a cold sore in the raw area.

"How bad was it?" you ask.

I worked 20 hours straight on Landgrab Friday because I was unsuccessful in pinning them down on forming a schedule in advance when only they and I could be in charge of a shift and the department had to be open for 38 hours straight. Then when they came to relieve me so I could finally rest they let me know that they'd need to be relieved soon because they spent their sleep hours working on the infrastructure in their camp and "missed their window for sleeping".

I made it to bed around 5am (was relieved on Saturday at 4am), falling asleep in a closed tent which roasted in 91-degree (f) weather and woke up to heat exhaustion around noon, woozy and weak. Had to phone my husband to come take care of me because I could not stand without aid... he opened up all the sides of the tent for air flow, force fed me water and juice, trained two fans on me, and stayed with me until my temperature went back to normal, then went back to the department we'd been working in to continue the work he'd been doing there since 8am. I saw him again when I returned to the department around six in the evening and we both worked until it closed that night at 10pm.

That was just day One and a half.

We didn't have time to cook any food. Everything was grab-and-go or purchased from a food vendor. We didn't have time to help our camp set up hardly at all, or to assist at tear down. We didn't see a battle, a class, a show, a party, someone else's camp, our friends, or the merchant area except for one hour the day after our department closed down. (I got to see Kendrick which was a treat.) I never set foot in the Cooper's store - I hear that the upgrades are fabulous. I look forward to seeing them next year.

I got heat exhaustion twice. And retained so much water that I had to buy men's extra wide shoes to make it through the second week because I'd damaged one little toe from jamming my feet into shoes that were too tight. We thought I might have broken it. Oh - and had a UTI to boot.

One night I posted something on Facebook about how sad I was that a camp I knew well had six parking tickets (between two couples) and that meant that they'd lost their seniority on their block - and was immediately attacked by members of the unnamed camp for "betraying them" (of course I had not named anyone or the camp) and "owed [this ticketed couple] and [that other ticketed couple] a public apology as well as one to the whole group for not acting like a Peer and attacking them in public..." I just set the post to "private" so I could save it should the offended parties try to do more than merely backstab me now that we're back from the event. I'm still a little at a loss how I'm the bad guy for mentioning a camp losing their block seniority in a post explaining why I was sad that day while the ticketed folks have become my poor viciously benighted victims. They are, of course, blameless and what I was posting about "never happened". My spouse asked me why I'd posted - why did I let myself care about what they do to themselves? He is right, so I've set myself a new rule - ignore the group. Disengage from any interaction and from their FB page and put myself in the mental space of noting but not speaking about anything the group does. I'd been heading that way over the last year anyway and this just put the nail in the coffin of an already dead relationship.

Nonetheless, and barring all of that, friends did stop in to say hi while we were working, and we had little moments of joy when they did even though we were usually too busy to talk for more than a couple of minutes. One person volunteered at my department specifically to spend some time chatting with me between duties. It was lovely to catch up with her. She's grown up so much! I've known her since she was a senior in High School and now her children are almost all out of High School. Towards the end of the event, there were more people allowed to be in charge of a shift and I even got a whole day off to go into town and do laundry and shopping. My spouse had to work though. That was tiring in its own way, but I felt a lightness of freedom too. One friend brought a sample of her cooking to me to taste - beans cooked in bacon fat with onions and garlic, spiced with a mix of herbs and spices she'd bought at Aunty Arwen's. That friend cooks over a fire every year and tries to eat what her persona would have eaten. And she brought it to me in an adorable little cast-iron pot that had been enameled on the inside and had a wooden lid. Hers is enameled in red but I could only find it in black - I'm going to get me one of those pots! It is just the right size for one person or two not-so-hungry ones. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07KBY4RCF/ref=ox_sc_act_image_2?smid=A1TWYVWG4QDVKK&psc=1

Before Pennsic I was asked if I'd be willing to take on getting new walls for our camp's giant ger and I agreed. The old walls had been thrown away (without anyone being consulted) because "they take up too much room in storage" so I searched for a useable alternative and found seven-foot-long fabric shower curtains with a repeating design on them. Folks in the household threw money at me until we could buy as many as we needed. They look like a Persian interpretation of Mongolian art. The curtains are lightweight and pack down into a tiny pile. They are polyester so will age over time but we can replace them at need or maybe someone will make real walls someday. In the meanwhile they worked very well and looked pretty, too. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09DB17DG1?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details


We also brought "sheep walls" from home, three-foot-long panels that we'd made for the Great Dark Horde encampment for War of the Wings long ago. A long-ago Autocrat had decreed just two weeks before the event that every camp was to "be completely encircled with sheet walls" but they'd typo'd and had written "sheep walls". So of course our quickly-thrown-together walls featured sheep of all varieties. At Pennsic we've been using them to hide a big plastic sink at the top of our camp but this year we learned that our regular walls had gone walkabout, so the sheep walls were press-ganged into being camp walls. We have a long boundary at the foot of a hill that we don't normally wall off, not having enough red & black panels to use. We made it into a clothesline this year but weren't really thrilled with it. I'm going to make more of those sheep walls, as are some of my household members, and we'll run the sheep walls along that boundary. Lots of people walk along that block edge as it is beside a road leading from the Bog and lakeside areas. I think the walls will entertain some of the children who make that hike.

Many years ago, at Pennsic 20, I volunteered at the troll booth during the event. Within three years I was so emmeshed that I was deputy to the head troll and then started a run of years as the Head Troll. I stepped down to support a new Head Troll at Pennsic 31. It didn't seem fair to hog the job when my deputies, well trained and chomping at the bit, were quite capable of running the booth. Took a year off from doing anything much but manning the desk at "security"/the Watch, then founded a new department at Pennsic 33, the Quartermaster (supply) department. Worked that for five years and then stepped aside, again, so my deputies could step up. I've stayed on staff since then but have bounced from job to job, even doing three stints as a Deputy Mayor for Cultural Affairs.

All of that means that I haven't worked inside the troll booth for eighteen years. But this year I get to go back to my "roots" and will be helping out at troll again. I am strangely excited about that. I'm not in charge, just a backup person, which is good because our intake processes have changed drastically. And I'm still down for manning the desk at The Watch, as one of the more senior captains.

I was thinking about bringing our camp oven/stove to the event but now I hesitate. I don't know how much cooking time I am going to have and that is a bulky item to pack if we're barely going to use it.

I'm seeing a counselor now, for mental health. Now that I am feeling a bit better - taking action towards healing does seem to boost that - I can admit that I've been suicidal for over a year or so. I'd be in the "suicidal idealization" category. Had a plan, actually two depending on the weather, but did not act on that. I still don't feel hunky-dory about the future but am working on it. Our goal is for me to gain some self assuredness, sufficient to feel as though the challenges of the future are things I can deal with, and to increase my physical mobility and time outside.

The weather has been lovely, in the mid 60s to low 70s, just right for being outside riding my trike or something, but the damage I did to my left periformis muscle has been keeping me from going out as much. The pain is past but the muscle weakness in my leg is quite debilitating. I cannot rise from a chair, for instance, without levering up via my arms. Toilets, by the way, are chairs. That was an - interesting - thing to have to realize. At one point I thought I was going to be stuck in the bathroom until my husband came home from work. The things that we go through in life! And oh how much I love visiting my oldest friend since her house had been fitted with handicap assistance bars while her mother was in her last years.

I expect the weakness in my thigh & knee to fade but I am. so. impatient! I want to ride my bike/trike/whatever I should call that three-wheeler. When summer truly hits I won't be on it, not until fall. Fall is shorter than spring and I am wasting these lovely days. My goal is to get myself up to the point that I can ride my bike to the grocery store and back again. It has a nice big basket in the back suitable for three or four grocery bags. Not that I'd buy that much while biking. We have, within a mile and a half, Farm Fresh, Super Walmart, Aldi's, and a Lidl. Assuming the Farm Fresh isn't one of the ones scheduled for closing (I haven't checked.) There is also a big shopping mall with a Barnes and Nobel inside. That is between us and the super Walmart. I love the teriyaki chicken that one of the restaurants there presents but my husband doesn't like eating in the mall so a pedaled lunch trip is in my future.

I've regained my enthusiasm for the July-deadlined project I've been working on. That would be the 160 small pouches with lining and large beads at the ends of the drawstrings. Wait. I think I know how to post a photo of the first batch.



I have to hand sew the lining in and along the channel for the drawstrings but they are so small that I can get quite a few done each night. They do not fit in the sewing machine work area at all. It's like trying to hem a preemie's shirt cuff. It just ain't a-gonna work. My newest protogee/apprentice wants to help me and says she'd rather string the drawcords than stitch so I'm happily letting her. Getting the needle threaded with rat's tail cord through (twice) has required blunt pliers. The bags are impossible to thread all the way through without coming out and then in again - the needle (the bodkin didn't work at all) is the same length as the width of the bag. A shorter one would be lovely but none of the ones in my (extensive) needle collection have the same size of eye while also being as sturdy and yet shorter. Obviously I did not plan that well.

My vision is coming back into focus. That is one less worry for me.

My Pennsic staff members have sorted out all their difficulties (so far as they are letting me know) so I am feeling very positive about how this year is going to go. And now we're into the 'fun time' - pre-packing for the event, whittling down, in my case, the things that I've been bringing every year so it won't be such a burden for my husband when it comes to loading up the truck. Besides - I have too much miscellaneous SCA stuff. I have a perfectly good, if somewhat eye straining, pink collapsible basket I could bring for trips to the shower, except it is full to the brim with SCA tchotchke I've been holding on to, meaning to 'find the right place' to pass it on or to use some time in the future. I am determined, this year, that it get emptied out and all that stuff removed from my house or actually used.

I have been upending my life. Sort of. It finally came to me in a moment of clarity that I was suffering from a deep burnout with the SCA. Not with 'living history' or my love of what we study, but with the society, or the various personalities, of those I interact with and what they expect of me. And like many volunteers, I'd overloaded myself with jobs and long-term projects to the point that I was not doing anything I enjoyed but merely what duty dictated.

I was angry and resentful towards my friends who were not knocking themselves out on a local level to 'make things go'. Lividly angry, in a couple of cases - and unfairly. Haven't we always preached "Do what makes you happy; if it isn't making you feel happy or fulfilled, stop it!"? But yet I'd ignored that directive in my own case to give in to 'duty'.

One of the odd things about being created a Peer in the SCA is that we have a almost uniformly-accepted mandate to 'continue to work to improve the Society'. We are openly scornful of those who step aside to see to their own pleasure as that is something acceptable in non-Peers but is shameful in us.

I fell into that trap.

Heck, I was so overwhelmed with jobs waiting to be done that when I wasn't sick, sleeping, or doing housework, I was stressing over what I 'should be' doing. I haven't even built my newest Lego buildings - which if anyone knows me, is downright weird.

So I took a deep breath, recentered myself, and resigned. Sent notes to my barony and Heraldic & Chatelaine superiors that I was resigning from various jobs, that I would not be taking on new ones, and was stepping aside to recharge my SCA batteries and recover from burnout. (I am still the drop-dead deputy for our Kingdom Herald but since that only really involves a few email discussions every few months, it was nothing that needed stepping away from. I'd like to keep my hand in a bit.) However, and this is just for my own edification later on when I start to thinking that I can return to volunteering, ( this is what I am stepping away from: )

Burnt.

Out.

It is my hope that in a few months I will re-read this and exclaim in wonder about how grumpy and sour I sound, and be thankful that I don't feel like that any longer. I need to get my mojo back.

We went to an event yesterday and I won a competition. I don't 'do' competitions - in fact I may be the only Laurel of the SCA who did not ever compete (sort of - I did once, early in my SCA life, and the judging was so ridiculous that I had to laugh rather than get mad and that was the end of that.) But this time a friend was sponsoring a "in honor of our neighboring Shire which was just disbanded" A&S competition and I was concerned that there would not be any entries - which would really hurt the feelings of the (probably) two ladies from that Shire who'd be attending the event. So since my first event was hosted by that shire ("Samhain", 1989), I decided to bring their "traditional" dessert to yesterday's event and serve it as my homage. It didn't fit the actual category of the competition since I was not using anything from the Shire's heraldry but I figured that those two (turned out to be three) ladies wouldn't care - they'd just know that their group was remembered with love.

So I back-documented the dessert into the category of "probable", that being the closest we could come to "medieval" (I found one for dates cooked the same way), and was good to go. It turned out that the head cook was also sponsoring a last minute side-board dish competition. So what the heck, I entered that too... again, because he's a good guy and the chances were slim that there would be many entries (there were actually 4 besides mine. I was relieved for his feelings! It sucks to sponsor something and only have 1 or 2 entries.)

I won.

The cooking competition. And got this as a prize:



I was stunned to see the salt/truffle fusion in the prizes. Wow. He spent some money on that. Now - I'm not actually much of an every day cook and don't want to waste his lovely prize so I have decided that I shall do the time-honored thing and save these spices to pass on as an appreciation gift to the Chancellor of Pennsic University this year - he's a kicking good cook and I have not done enough to support his work over the last few months. So this is better than my standard "knitted bag filled with goodies" appreciation thing. But I am going to regret losing the containers. :)

More importantly, a few people liked the dish well enough to take photos of the "documentation" so they could serve it for dessert at feasts they will be preparing in the future or as a dessert for their camp. So Berley Cort's legacy will live on.

The recipe? You're actually interested?

Pears Poached in Cream
heavy cream
canned pears (you can cook them up from raw but why bother?)
assorted spices (I used cinnamon, nutmeg, a tiny smidgen of mace, whole cloves, and chunks of dried ginger)

Combine in a pot and heat over a low temp burner. Spoon up with a slotted spoon.

The cream will last for friggin' ever so be prepared to make this again and again as you try to use up the nummy cream. It microwaves well if you want to just keep opening small cans of pears for a quick 'two person' dessert. Or do as we did yesterday - crumble windmill cookies into the bottom of a bowl and spoon the cream and the remaining pear bits over the top, then eat like a thick pottage. Some of us were thinking about trying it with peaches, though, and spooning the mess over a small spice cake with strawberries on the side.

It is the middle of the night and medical thingies have me awake for a while longer*. I had been playing a mind-numbing solitaire game but decided to leave that and go to LJ for some catching up.

I haven't read a thing recent. My hand slipped with the mouse and I ended up opening a 'tag' and reading the entries that were there, and now I am filled with love for my friends all over again, because I have such loving ones. I'm so very lucky.

Vacation time (Pennsic) is coming. I have a big job this time around and it isn't one I know the duties of even after a year of holding it. There is no guidebook, no "standard operating procedure" text. Strange situations come up and others look to me for answers - and I have no clue what the right one is because I have no personal experience with the departments involved.
(Example: "How many radios does Cultural Affairs need this year" "I don't know. There isn't a record anywhere that Cultural Affairs ever used any. We'll take the same number as last year." I guess. As a dodge. And once I get on site I can look at the radio check-out sheets and count up who gets them so I can pass that information on to my successor.)
Luckily, I have resources to turn to and things get hammered out, but wow, am I going to be relieved when this job is concluded. It is a situation where a title, a position, was offered and it was one I'd wanted to try for years, so I took it - and was woefully ignorant. The same title/job in a different division would have been a piece of cake but I got my ego wrapped around 'finally' being given a chance to do 'that job' and jumped when I should have backed away. I don't think my people suffered from my inadequacy but neither did they thrive. I want them to thrive. The sad thing is that I doubt, based on this year's performance, that I will ever be offered such a position again and wouldn't you know it - now I know what's required for it so could do it so much better than I have.

I think I might have a lot more free time this year than I have had in the past. There are daily (? Some mayors have had three-times-a-week ones instead) meetings to go to and multiple departments to check on twice a day, but barring something blowing up in any of them after that I have no duties. And all of my department heads are competent and resourceful so I don't think I'll be seeing much in the way of explosions.

I'm not sure what I'll be doing with myself. Bossman surprised me buy pushing for purchasing the camp stove/oven combo that I'd been lusting over. I'd talked myself out of it, finally, since I'd wanted one for years and had never bought (or was given, as it was on my 'gift lift' for holidays) one... and then he up and surprises me with "I think we should buy it" during our trip to replace the finally-dead propane stove. (Poor stove. We've had it for over 30 years of camping and it just wore out. The newer ones are not nearly as good in quality, for the most part.) Anyway, I am looking forward to playing with my totally-non-period camp oven and producing new things to eat at Pennsic.

And we have a brand-new tent, a 16x16 'single pole' pavilion. It's still in the box. We haven't opened it yet. We probably should do that soon, assuming the rain ever lessens. I'm making hanging oil lamps for it per Master Bedwyr Danwyn's class. The effect should be lovely although I am concerned about the amount of light they will produce at night. Most likely there will be pictures after Pennsic. I suspect that Bossman and I, or mostly "I" will be spending a good amount of time arranging and re-arranging our tent layout until it is pleasing and efficient for our needs. We are going to have a much larger and more comfortable hospitality area.

I should have the time to visit the Herald's Point more often than I have in the past - that would be fabulous - although I don't trust my heraldic ability much right now. I've been slack, I tell you, in keeping up with it, instead working on other things I'd let slide over the last few years, so I'm not sure how useful I could be. But I'm being forced to bring my computer to the event so if nothing else, I could maybe help in the 'names' department. Names are fun. Blazonry still has me scrunching up my forehead a bit.

And classes - since I need to check on Pennsic University and the Dance staff as well as Performing Arts, well then maybe some classes might fall into my lap too. Just since I'm there.

The new walker means that I can stroll the merchant area too. For years I've been rushed, at best, whenever Bossman and I go to the merchant area, since there are few places to sit down and restore circulation to my legs. Now I can sit on the walker's seat any time I want. Any time! And I bought a cup holder for it, too, so the only hassle is going to be running across a merchant's tent that is too packed for me to bring it in there (it is wide). But I'm pretty sure no one would take it if I had to leave it outside while I went it. I can use it as a 'base' to return to and the booths as new frontiers to explore.

Oh - and my two classes at our recent University went over well. They were small but full of excited comments and questions, with the students wanting further information for their own research. That's a win.

So was being there when Ranvieg was given a writ for her Laurelling ceremony at Pennsic. That alone would have made attending University worth the trip.

*Contrast iodine during a CT scan can encourage a barely-there-and-going-away UTI to wake up and roar. Guess how I found that out?

Friday featured a 10-hour drive to Slippery Rock, PA, so we could attend the Pennsic staff meeting on Saturday. It was a long drive. We decided to check out route 68, which is West Virginia's pride - it was a lovely route but not a particularly safe one - the road hugged the hills and featured many three-lane sections specifically designed to handle the slower traffic of 4-cylider cars and laboring 18-wheelers. Of course, even though our little economy vehicle was stressed trying to go up the hills, the 85-mile-an-hour coasting down the other side was nice. We opted for our traditional route (Penn turnpike) on the way back, though, as a severe storm was sweeping through and we (rightly) anticipated flooding roads and rain-squall blindness. Normally the home drive is two hours shorter than the Pennsic drive but the rain squelched that so it was a little over 10 hours each way. That made for a very long weekend. Also a downer was the discussion with our hotel, which charged us for an extra night because we had secured our reservations for "Friday and maybe Saturday" with our credit card, only to find out on Saturday that they do not consider it 'securing' a reservation but rather booking the room. So even though we told them at check in on Friday that we would not be needing the extra day, and stressed it multiple times, we found that we were charged for it anyway, "because we had to turn other people away who wanted to reserve for that night, so you owe us that." A family-run hotel, just getting started, with only 18 rooms and the oddest one we'd ever stayed in. Needless to say, we will not be staying there again. (Not because of the misunderstanding, but because of spotty service and communication, and because the bathroom, while much larger than a regular one, was lit only by one light bulb so showering was done in a dim closet-like environment with no exhaust fan from the room. Bossman was smart enough to grab one of the floor lamps from our suite and place it in the bathroom, which helped with visibility.

The trip actually was a waste of time. I had a three-minute face-to-face with the mayor, and then on Saturday morning we had a less-than-one-hour general meeting, and that was it. It all could have been accomplished just as well over the internet via email. Thankfully this is the last time I'll be called on to make that meeting - I do not anticipate ever being in a key staff position again. Since I have no plans to train as a possible mayor, and have never been one in the past, I am not a candidate for a senior staff position. This year was my one 'shot', which I appreciate but am glad to walk away from. It has been a frustrating year of no training, no SOP, and no idea what was needed from me until a series of public messages announced that I was overdue on deadlines. My comment that an SOP would be useful was met with derision... I can find other ways to meet my 'frustration and humiliation quota".

Although - I am considering checking out the Lost & Found department. There have been some 'lean' years of people doing the job more because they were trying to take care of an empty spot in the staff rather than because they wanted the position. There hasn't been a good fit for a while now. I know I could do it well, and it would give me a niche to fill. Not to mention that the hours are great compared to the hours needed for the other jobs I've done!

This afternoon at the grocery store I picked up a 24-can case of soda to bring home and then stopped, grabbed an additional 12-pack to hold at the same time, and felt good about myself. The combine weight of the two is how much I've lost since mid-February. It was cheering to hold that awkwardly heavy bundle and realize that it was something I'd not be subjecting my bones to ever again. So even though I haven't lost a clothing size yet (that happens when you are as heavy as I am), it feels good to have an awareness of my progress. I do have more of a waist, though, now - my tummy no longer juts out beyond my chest. That is nice.

I'm spending the week sewing two Russian sarafans for a friend. I've only made their pattern so far so actually creating a real one is something I am looking forward to. I don't know much about the style - I'm copying a set of finished ones someone else made for her - but I feel confident these will look good on her. The pattern did, and it was just made of junk fabric. She is paying me to do the sewing so I might be able to afford ordering our new pavilion after the weekend. That would be one worry I could set aside.

And now I should go to google and see if I can learn a little more about sarafans, just to satisfy my own curiosity.