Thoughts

Pennsic prep has consumed my last couple of weeks, especially in the online aspect. Previously when I had the job I only had to deal with emails and the occasional phone call. I had no idea that with the advent of social media every day was going to start with a conversation about the Pennsic Troll Booth even before I was out of bed and be garnished with more conversations throughout the day and into the after-midnight hours. I like helping those who have concerns. It feels good. I dislike dealing with my Pennsic boss and now have a mental litany, "three more weeks, just three more weeks and then you never have to deal with her again." A friend asked me about what I was struggling with regarding the woman and I gave a short explanation, and, trying to be compassionate and understanding, said, "She is an insecure needy person who doesn't value herself and can only remedy that by trying to make other people "less" than herself. She has no clue that her behaviour underlines the reasons other people do not respect her." To which my friend replied, "She's a bully." and that hit me between the eyes. She is exactly that and in trying to just deal with her effectively for my job, I never put the profile together. Bossman had said something like that last year when she insulted him in front of others but it hadn't registered when he was telling me about it. So I don't know if this is a passive-aggressive move or not, but I am printing up a few cards with this on them:

"Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships
through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends
to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an
individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over
one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening."
- National Centre Against Bullying

Because I know her nasty side will rise in the middle of the stressful Land Grab weekend and she will hurt and insult others while "doing her job" inside the troll booth (read: usurping mine). So I am prepared to monitor her and if I see/hear it happening, to pull her aside, tell her privately that what she is doing will not be tolerated, and give her the card with the definition on it since I know that her very first response would be to tell me that I am wrong and she's not being a bully. This way I can say, "this is what your behaviour presents as" and suggest that she takes a break or something. I'm pretty sure that she'll then try to turn it around by verbally attacking me. And if that scenario doesn't play out, if I can't get her to step aside with me or if she does but then continues the behaviour afterwards, I am going to contact the Mayor and ask him to remove her from my area. I will not allow my volunteers to be abused. Or, by Gawd, myself. The trained SCA mindset of "just work around them" has had me in thrall for too long but I am finally awake. It is too, too easy to "be understanding" or "forbearing" and step around the broken stair rather than calling them on their behaviour.

Weather and air quality has me concerned for the event. Especially weather. I am not acclimatized this year and am physically weaker than I'd been last year. Thank goodness our camp has electricity. We're bringing two or three fans and between that and the fans & shade down at the troll booth I should be okay. I won't be doing a lot of walking or visiting though we're bringing my little folding stool that I can sit on for a break whenever I get winded. Yeah, I probably should bite the bullet and get a powered scooter but good gravy, while they are not too expensive I am obese and need it at a campsite - heavy duty and with big wheels, in other words, and it'd require a trailer to get it to and from our home. I've only got one more Pennsic on my horizon. I can walk it.

I've been sewing when I haven't been dealing with social media or emails. Slowly, oh so slowly. I've made four lined hoods, two tunics, and have applied trim to a tunic I found in my work pile and have never worn. (and oy! Applying flat trim around an already completed tunic - what was I thinking?) I have only two sewing projects left to accomplish before we switch to packing the truck on Saturday. A pair of draw-string linen trous my spouse pulled the strings out of, and making a handful of "cooling bead neckerchiefs". I'm doing the cooling bead job first. While I've never made any before, those will be much less hassle than taking the waistband for the trous apart. They are well made modern pants with a duel-elastic waistband. The drawstrings are anchored in the middle of the back of waistband so I will have to use the seam ripper to access that area and then see if it will be a simple repair or if I will need to redo the entire thing. The anchor straddles the two channels of elastic. And he tells me that he "seems to be missing a lot of his SCA trous". I'm hoping they just got mixed in my mine since they were all the same sizes and colors because it is certainly too late for me to try to make any. He'd borrowed a pair of mine one long-ago event and liked them, and since I bought them in extra-long, they fit his long legs. Over time some shrank and became just mine but during post-event laundry it is easy to get them mixed up with each other's, even though we tagged them to avoid that.

Our struggles with the downed willow tree continue. While the city does pick up yard waste, including tree branches, they are haphazard about it. Today was trash day and none of the piles of carefully cut wood were removed. Then again, our regular trash and recycling wasn't removed either. It makes me want to shake my head. Why does it have to be the last trash day before we go on vacation? And we found a steady line of wood ants climbing our porch pillars when we went out to check the status of the wood piles. It is too late before we leave to get a service call to take care of that so it'll be the first thing I get done once we're home again.

[Update] The cooling beads were a bust. They were very tiny and I thought they'd swell up a lot but they didn't. This is what I get for mail ordering them without getting a referral from a previously happy customer. I just bought the wrong brand, it looks like.

We're home from Pennsic.

I have not had a Pennsic that was so difficult ever, in the 29 years I have been attending. I'd agreed to be a deputy to a department head, who is already overwhelmed with life and on top of that had their son & family coming for a first-ever visit with their grandchild while staying in their camp... and they are the camp master, to add to their stress. They're also a micro-manager who does not believe in training their subordinates and responds to every question or suggestion with a loud and public diatribe about why the speaker is wrong. We bled out volunteers as if we had a cardiac wound. Extensive training-from-below was applied by me, discussions held with their direct superior to reinforce "volunteer management advice" and I bit the inside of my cheek so much I ended up with a cold sore in the raw area.

"How bad was it?" you ask.

I worked 20 hours straight on Landgrab Friday because I was unsuccessful in pinning them down on forming a schedule in advance when only they and I could be in charge of a shift and the department had to be open for 38 hours straight. Then when they came to relieve me so I could finally rest they let me know that they'd need to be relieved soon because they spent their sleep hours working on the infrastructure in their camp and "missed their window for sleeping".

I made it to bed around 5am (was relieved on Saturday at 4am), falling asleep in a closed tent which roasted in 91-degree (f) weather and woke up to heat exhaustion around noon, woozy and weak. Had to phone my husband to come take care of me because I could not stand without aid... he opened up all the sides of the tent for air flow, force fed me water and juice, trained two fans on me, and stayed with me until my temperature went back to normal, then went back to the department we'd been working in to continue the work he'd been doing there since 8am. I saw him again when I returned to the department around six in the evening and we both worked until it closed that night at 10pm.

That was just day One and a half.

We didn't have time to cook any food. Everything was grab-and-go or purchased from a food vendor. We didn't have time to help our camp set up hardly at all, or to assist at tear down. We didn't see a battle, a class, a show, a party, someone else's camp, our friends, or the merchant area except for one hour the day after our department closed down. (I got to see Kendrick which was a treat.) I never set foot in the Cooper's store - I hear that the upgrades are fabulous. I look forward to seeing them next year.

I got heat exhaustion twice. And retained so much water that I had to buy men's extra wide shoes to make it through the second week because I'd damaged one little toe from jamming my feet into shoes that were too tight. We thought I might have broken it. Oh - and had a UTI to boot.

One night I posted something on Facebook about how sad I was that a camp I knew well had six parking tickets (between two couples) and that meant that they'd lost their seniority on their block - and was immediately attacked by members of the unnamed camp for "betraying them" (of course I had not named anyone or the camp) and "owed [this ticketed couple] and [that other ticketed couple] a public apology as well as one to the whole group for not acting like a Peer and attacking them in public..." I just set the post to "private" so I could save it should the offended parties try to do more than merely backstab me now that we're back from the event. I'm still a little at a loss how I'm the bad guy for mentioning a camp losing their block seniority in a post explaining why I was sad that day while the ticketed folks have become my poor viciously benighted victims. They are, of course, blameless and what I was posting about "never happened". My spouse asked me why I'd posted - why did I let myself care about what they do to themselves? He is right, so I've set myself a new rule - ignore the group. Disengage from any interaction and from their FB page and put myself in the mental space of noting but not speaking about anything the group does. I'd been heading that way over the last year anyway and this just put the nail in the coffin of an already dead relationship.

Nonetheless, and barring all of that, friends did stop in to say hi while we were working, and we had little moments of joy when they did even though we were usually too busy to talk for more than a couple of minutes. One person volunteered at my department specifically to spend some time chatting with me between duties. It was lovely to catch up with her. She's grown up so much! I've known her since she was a senior in High School and now her children are almost all out of High School. Towards the end of the event, there were more people allowed to be in charge of a shift and I even got a whole day off to go into town and do laundry and shopping. My spouse had to work though. That was tiring in its own way, but I felt a lightness of freedom too. One friend brought a sample of her cooking to me to taste - beans cooked in bacon fat with onions and garlic, spiced with a mix of herbs and spices she'd bought at Aunty Arwen's. That friend cooks over a fire every year and tries to eat what her persona would have eaten. And she brought it to me in an adorable little cast-iron pot that had been enameled on the inside and had a wooden lid. Hers is enameled in red but I could only find it in black - I'm going to get me one of those pots! It is just the right size for one person or two not-so-hungry ones. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07KBY4RCF/ref=ox_sc_act_image_2?smid=A1TWYVWG4QDVKK&psc=1

Before Pennsic I was asked if I'd be willing to take on getting new walls for our camp's giant ger and I agreed. The old walls had been thrown away (without anyone being consulted) because "they take up too much room in storage" so I searched for a useable alternative and found seven-foot-long fabric shower curtains with a repeating design on them. Folks in the household threw money at me until we could buy as many as we needed. They look like a Persian interpretation of Mongolian art. The curtains are lightweight and pack down into a tiny pile. They are polyester so will age over time but we can replace them at need or maybe someone will make real walls someday. In the meanwhile they worked very well and looked pretty, too. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09DB17DG1?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details


We also brought "sheep walls" from home, three-foot-long panels that we'd made for the Great Dark Horde encampment for War of the Wings long ago. A long-ago Autocrat had decreed just two weeks before the event that every camp was to "be completely encircled with sheet walls" but they'd typo'd and had written "sheep walls". So of course our quickly-thrown-together walls featured sheep of all varieties. At Pennsic we've been using them to hide a big plastic sink at the top of our camp but this year we learned that our regular walls had gone walkabout, so the sheep walls were press-ganged into being camp walls. We have a long boundary at the foot of a hill that we don't normally wall off, not having enough red & black panels to use. We made it into a clothesline this year but weren't really thrilled with it. I'm going to make more of those sheep walls, as are some of my household members, and we'll run the sheep walls along that boundary. Lots of people walk along that block edge as it is beside a road leading from the Bog and lakeside areas. I think the walls will entertain some of the children who make that hike.

It pays to read FB conversations. I learned a couple of days ago how to tell the difference between cotton and linen fabric after they are washed. Apparently cotton, when water is dripped onto it, will instantly absorb the liquid and show a wet circle while linen will resist the drip briefly and then absorb in a manner that shows lines thanks to the spinning of the weft/warp filaments of matter. I'm going to give that a try and then label my stash of white/unbleached fabric so I won't be forced to buy more fabric to avoid wasting what might be 'good linen'.

I've cut out more linings for the bags I'm making and preparing myself to sew the pile of "bag, lining, bag, lining, bag, lining" into new piles of side-stitched bags and linings. Once that is done there will only be hand-sewing to do. I think it'd be a good time to get my machine in for servicing. Better now than later down the pike when I'm facing a deadline and trying to finish a garment.

My counselor, therapist, whatever I'm supposed to call a non-PhD, made a comment last meeting that threw me. We're still in the beginning stages, with her getting to know my background. She said, "With your environment, it is no wonder you are depressed - I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be!" It made me shake my head in a sort of disbelief, seeming somewhat unprofessional to me. I keep going back to the moment, reliving the look on her face as she said that. Mental health counseling has changed. Or I should say that this office's practices are quite different from what I expected. She has complimented me, too, on my personality and general outlook on life. I liked it but feel odd about it at the same time.

Bossman is talking about making an appointment to get our wills done. He said he thought that might be one of the things weighing on me. He's right, it would relieve some of my dread about the future. What would do even more towards that is if he himself would go in for counseling to face whatever has him living at a simmer of anger and the way he reacts whenever it spikes. But that is something he will have to want to do - it can't be pushed by me. Rebecca (the counselor) agrees with me that learning to handle my own reaction to Bossman's violent behavior is a good goal for me. And she said that she recognizes that he and I have a strong and loving bond, which she is willing to help me try to keep.

Day four of the caging snow. It is actually more dangerous on the roads right now than it was yesterday. Most of the roads are coated with snow packed down to ice, with high-edged ruts or piled snow along the edges blocking access to the drains. We ventured out to make a grocery run and saw quite a few accidents during our 12-mile round trip. Most dangerous are the drivers in trucks with empty beds or lightweight top-heavy SUVs who were travelling on partially-cleared 4-laned roads while driving in excess of 50mph - those were city roads with random stop lights and lanes suddenly covered in white ice. Idiots.

Also idiotic is the mindset which causes men (it seems to always be men) to insist on backing into a clear driveway from an ice-packed road with three cars parked at the curb across the street... luckily one of the neighbors my husband blocked from reaching his home had about ten pounds of road salt in the back of his SUV, which he shared with Bossman so between that and the backing/forwarding rocking of the truck the hubster finally got our extra long truck away from being a total roadblock. I was scared to death he was going to hit one of our neighbor's cars - the truck was skewing (!) sideways in the road and getting its self more horizontal to the road than before. I have never seen my man take such a risk just to have the nose of the truck pointed toward the street in our driveway. We rarely put the truck in the driveway as it requires our across-the-street neighbor to have an empty curb in order for us to even pull out. Having his vehicle stuck at the curb and all that rutted icepack on the road - - I have no idea what my guy was thinking. We have a Ford 250 with a six foot bed. It isn't short from bumper to bumper, nearly as long as the road is wide.. Neither is it lightweight. There was burning rubber involved and a lot of adrenaline as he spun the tires, burning through the ice to the bare pavement. I jumped back about five feet (and nearly landed on my hinny) when the truck slid sideways towards me the first time - and then he did it repeatedly afterwards until he got traction. Good gravy that was alarming.

Schools are out tomorrow, still. And likely the next day. The city is basically paralyzed until the snow melts more, with the road crews unable to even plow our main roads much less the vast tracks of neighborhood ones.

There is going to be a heck of a lot of potholes to repair this spring. But we've four days of daytime temps being above freezing and rain coming on the warmest days so hopefully by the end of the week we'll see mostly-clear roads.

The end of the week is when our local area is hosting Kingdom 12thNight. The organizer has pulled out all stops in getting everyone she knows to do her a favor in running something for the event. We are filling every available room in the convention areas, which take up two floors of the building. There is one restaurant on the bottom floor. We've just learned this is important, because she held back on the information that non-staying guests will not be allowed to bring in any foods, beverages, or alcohols, so luncheon cannot be a sideboard. We must eat in their restaurant or leave the hotel for a meal. Those of us who are on specialized diets (us diabetics are livid) are scrambling to find workable solutions. Mine is an age-old one. We'll bring a cooler to keep in the car and smuggle our munchies inside. Jerks. I sure as heck am not giving Pat Robinson's foundation $15-20 (or more) for a hotel lunch. And I've publically asked how this policy will affect those of us who are giving food items as gifts.

My Khanate (a small unit of members of the Dark Horde) is running a gaming room for the event. We'll offer period games - board, dice, and cards - during the day and open the room for both modern and period ones once court starts. I have no difficulties keeping the game room open during court as I, as are many Atlantians, are attempting to have the least amount of contact with Atlantia's current monarchs as we can. This way we will provide a comfortable space for those who would otherwise feel that they might as well leave the event at that point. We were going to keep the gaming open for the duration of the event since there is dancing after feast, but with the news about the food/drink situation, we'll likely fold up when feast begins.

And before that, I need to get a muslin cut out and tailored into a decent del and then make the del, or I'll be the only member of my Khanate who is not dressed in a Mongolian style. And I'm the Tarkhan, the head of the khanate! Dels have been a running sore spot for me since I joined the Horde years ago, as big bosoms and bathrobe-lapping tunics are not friendly. There is always some sort of gap to flash a bra at others no matter how I cut it in a period-correct manner. My co-sufferers just pin theirs to keep the gap closed but it looks like crud that way and I refuse to do it. I had one del that worked but it only did that because I sewed the flaps to each other from the inside and had to take it on and off by pulling it over my head. The side ties were just for show. I really need to experiment and get one draped correctly.

My mind is on recipes for Pennsic. Or rather, on changing my view of what is and isn't 'easy' to make for two busy people (or for hosting a small set of friends).

See, after realizing that we were going to have to replace our 35-year-old Coleman camp stove, we dithered a bit and finally, thanks to the Memorial Day sale going on at Bass Pro, plunked down the extra $100 to buy a propane stove-oven rather than just a stove. Yup, I now have a camp oven to mess with. Yes, it is modern and not my beloved Viking-era kitchen stuff but I don't mind at all... I've wanted it for about three years now. Just for the idea of freshly-baked bread and cinnamon rolls to serve my man. Not to mention his idea of the Ultimate Meal - meatloaf. (Yeah, I know.) So those items are easy to consider. But I've 40 years of 'we don't really bake while camping' mindset to overcome, along with my diabetes 'shouldn't eat much grain' daily diet, so what I thought I'd be cooking if I ever got the oven - casseroles, pastries, meat pies - are now not so interesting. And I'm hard-pressed to think of what I should be putting together for this Pennsic, when he's going to be busy as usual and I'm going to be a Deputy Mayor (less busy than as Quartermaster or Head Troll, but more busy than as a general watch stander.)

There is a quick-snack item that I love to make, apple slices rolled up in cinnamon sugar covered croissant wedges, which will be nice to have on hand for guests and quick grabs, and the same concept will work for small meat pies, but beyond that - what is possible? Fast to put together yet not filled with carbs? I am going to have to do some recipe-sleuthing. After all, I must justify to the man that the extra expense and packing hassle is worth it. Although I think meatloaf and cinnamon buns will probably do the trick.

I want to post about what is going on with me, or rather 'the most immediate thing that is going on in my world', but it is actually too private to be throwing out here into the aether. Suffice it to say that I am now enrolled in a weekly support group, to help me sort out issues which will decide the direction of my future life.

Yeah, vaguebooking, I know. I'm sorry. One of the things I brought home with me tonight was a sharp awareness that I have absolutely no one to talk to about what I am going through. Possibly I could talk with one of our sons but it seems very wrong to ask one's child to be one's comforter.

Speaking of 'one's child' - our Eldest and his sweetie flew out from Las Vegas a week before Thanksgiving. We had some family laughter around the table (first stop - all the eateries that have been missed) and then drove up to the DC area to attend an event (Holiday Faire, where I 'merchanted') and visit with a few young people who'd grown up in the SCA with our children. That was fun but rushed - except for Sunday afternoon, which Bossman and I spent in a Fairfax Barnes and Noble while the 'kids' went sight-seeing. We'd stayed in a hotel near the event site but the younger set overnighted in the townhouse now owned by one of them. So we were 45 minutes away and in a poor position to try to time it to join them for the sightseeing. The elderly (sic) slept in, had a leisurely brunch, and then settled in at B&N. Which was having a kid's event and was absolutely packed. So packed, in fact, that I ended up sitting in our truck for the last hour, napping and reading. It was so much more peaceful there!

The rest of the week was spent shopping, helping our Vegasites gather supplies for her family's Christmas celebration. There is no "5 & Below" in Las Vegas, with its bargain prices for handy gifts. We visited three different ones here, taking in all the variety to ensure that they had all their list provided for. As it was, they ended up having to pay shipping costs for a large package via UPS, and for extra luggage when they left - and yet they were gleeful about the amount of money they'd saved. Or more truthfully, gleeful that the same amount they'd set aside paid for things of better quality than they'd hoped for, even after the additional shipping fees.

And I taught her how to sew. They flew out on her birthday, with her knowing that our Eldest was going to give her a sewing machine when they got home. He wisely gave her an "IOU" so she could choose which model she wanted. Me, I gave her "The Idiot's Guide to Sewing".

Oh - and the PET scan my husband had has been interpreted by the radiologist. We haven't seen the oncologist to hear it officially, but the scan showed no evidence of surviving cancer cells. He still has a huge mass of scar tissue where the tumor once was, which will most likely not be re-absorbed into his body, and the four ribs are going to stay divided into parts, which blows for ease of movement along his left side, but still - the cancer is dead.

This was medical week for us. Oh, and Heraldic Week, too, because I've been slow about getting stuff done. But on the medical front -

I met with my Oncologist's PA, who has approved my Gleevec-free life. I've been eating grapefruit as if they were really grapes. I expect that some of you will shudder at the idea but I've missed them over the last three years and I'm making up for lost time. I'll be going in for another CT scan this month to check for new growths, which will be a common thing for the first couple of years after the therapy ends. But as it is now, I'm officially in remission.

Bossman's tumor shrank in the last month from 18.5x18x6.5cm to 10x3.5x2cm. His Oncologist's PA actually danced a bit when she read the results to us. There was no mention about it possibly having shifted location but we're suspecting now that the pain he is feeling is not actually from the tumor but from the four damaged ribs - one is fractured and three are 'compromised'. They've been eaten away in spots by the tumor. Just think of them as broken too. They will most likely heal themselves but can't start until the chemo is over, so he'll be in a 'broken rib state' probably until the new year. I hate that he will be in unremitting pain for so long. It will be over a year of it by the time those ribs heal. Wow. But except for the weakness and temper-flares brought on by the chemo's attack on his body, he's doing very well. "His numbers are fine" and he has enough energy to continue to try to do things like working full work-weeks and adding lawn-mowing and such on top of that. Granted, the house-stuff is being done at a much slower rate than he'd like, and he spends a great deal of time resting in his easy chair, but we can't complain.

I'm still having trouble with weakness in my legs when I'm standing. It has faded a bit since the Gleevec was discontinued but hasn't gone away. I want it to! But I'm up from 20 minutes of standing to about 45, so I'll keep pushing the envelope and get it back to normal. I don't want to be eligible for a handicapped sticker after this one expires, no matter how handy they are during the shopping season!

I am finally rested... and am getting back to work on Things Long Neglected. Ooofff... there are piles of paper getting the stink-eye even as I work on other stuff. (And with the sending of one email, I may be getting the stink-eye in a day or so.)

The last of the piled-up dishes are washed and put away. Laundry continues apace. The vacuum cleaner made a surprise visit and unsurprisingly, the house smells better for it. The Bossman was roused out of his chair and chivvied into a shower and street clothes, then taken to our (regular and therefore easy to judge 'I want it but will this stay where it belongs') standard restaurant for a birthday brunch. Followed by a side trip to the grocery store for supplies for tomorrow's attempt at a return to work. He is now resting bonelessly in his easy chair while I catch up on email and computer work.

I believe I have given up on the idea of purchasing a new desktop computer until autumn. I'd like to, but the budget, thanks to our co-pays for medical costs, isn't going to stretch to that as well as a new pavilion for Pennsic, and if I have any hope at all of bringing my man to Pennsic, we need the new single (combined use) tent which will replace the three we've been using for our camp. I just plain can't set up and furnish (and tear down and repack) three tents. So I am diverting my computer funds to the pavilion fund. If I'm lucky, and if I can keep my energy levels up well enough, I should be able to merchant at a couple of events this spring and finish building that fund as well as (maybe) getting a start on a computer one. We'll see.

If it turns out that he cannot handle Pennsic camping (we won't know until midMay, most likely), then I will be going alone in a 10x10 Viking A-frame. That would be challenging! I'd be camping with basically the same set up as I'd use while doing reenacting, only for two weeks rather than two-five days.

I guess 'dread' is not as 'on hold' as I thought. During my active hours, I don't think about Bossman's illness much beyond what we need to take care of next. But when I'm trying to sleep all the worst-case scenerios play out, over and over, driving me from the bed to the computer or a book. This will likely pass after we get through this week.

He couldn't sleep in the bed last night. The pressure on his ribcage was too painful and it has caused swelling again. He bundled up on his easy chair and fell asleep there. Now he's still in that chair, watching "What Decided the Shapes of our States" or some such title, lulling away the day with tidbits of trivia. I'm working on heraldry stuff that needs to get done although I suspect I'll be joining him for some TV later when my brain goes to mush.

I and some friends made chawettys on Wendesday and I mistakenly boiled too many eggs, all of which I peeled before we did the assembling of the chawettys. I had egg salad sandwiches for lunch AND dinner yesterday... we have about a gallon of egg bits still to use (I already chopped them up). I'll be making more egg salad in a little while since Bossman didn't get any yesterday and wanted some. I wonder how long hard boiled eggs last in a sealed container in the fridge. If they could last until the kids get here next Sunday, I know that the boys would decimate the supply. But a week & a half already chopped? I don't know about that. Right now the chopped eggs aren't mixed with mayo or anything as I've been taking out a measured amount to use one batch at a time. I should go to the SCA cook's list and see if anyone knows how long those suckers are safe.