Thoughts

Pennsic prep has consumed my last couple of weeks, especially in the online aspect. Previously when I had the job I only had to deal with emails and the occasional phone call. I had no idea that with the advent of social media every day was going to start with a conversation about the Pennsic Troll Booth even before I was out of bed and be garnished with more conversations throughout the day and into the after-midnight hours. I like helping those who have concerns. It feels good. I dislike dealing with my Pennsic boss and now have a mental litany, "three more weeks, just three more weeks and then you never have to deal with her again." A friend asked me about what I was struggling with regarding the woman and I gave a short explanation, and, trying to be compassionate and understanding, said, "She is an insecure needy person who doesn't value herself and can only remedy that by trying to make other people "less" than herself. She has no clue that her behaviour underlines the reasons other people do not respect her." To which my friend replied, "She's a bully." and that hit me between the eyes. She is exactly that and in trying to just deal with her effectively for my job, I never put the profile together. Bossman had said something like that last year when she insulted him in front of others but it hadn't registered when he was telling me about it. So I don't know if this is a passive-aggressive move or not, but I am printing up a few cards with this on them:

"Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships
through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends
to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an
individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over
one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening."
- National Centre Against Bullying

Because I know her nasty side will rise in the middle of the stressful Land Grab weekend and she will hurt and insult others while "doing her job" inside the troll booth (read: usurping mine). So I am prepared to monitor her and if I see/hear it happening, to pull her aside, tell her privately that what she is doing will not be tolerated, and give her the card with the definition on it since I know that her very first response would be to tell me that I am wrong and she's not being a bully. This way I can say, "this is what your behaviour presents as" and suggest that she takes a break or something. I'm pretty sure that she'll then try to turn it around by verbally attacking me. And if that scenario doesn't play out, if I can't get her to step aside with me or if she does but then continues the behaviour afterwards, I am going to contact the Mayor and ask him to remove her from my area. I will not allow my volunteers to be abused. Or, by Gawd, myself. The trained SCA mindset of "just work around them" has had me in thrall for too long but I am finally awake. It is too, too easy to "be understanding" or "forbearing" and step around the broken stair rather than calling them on their behaviour.

Weather and air quality has me concerned for the event. Especially weather. I am not acclimatized this year and am physically weaker than I'd been last year. Thank goodness our camp has electricity. We're bringing two or three fans and between that and the fans & shade down at the troll booth I should be okay. I won't be doing a lot of walking or visiting though we're bringing my little folding stool that I can sit on for a break whenever I get winded. Yeah, I probably should bite the bullet and get a powered scooter but good gravy, while they are not too expensive I am obese and need it at a campsite - heavy duty and with big wheels, in other words, and it'd require a trailer to get it to and from our home. I've only got one more Pennsic on my horizon. I can walk it.

I've been sewing when I haven't been dealing with social media or emails. Slowly, oh so slowly. I've made four lined hoods, two tunics, and have applied trim to a tunic I found in my work pile and have never worn. (and oy! Applying flat trim around an already completed tunic - what was I thinking?) I have only two sewing projects left to accomplish before we switch to packing the truck on Saturday. A pair of draw-string linen trous my spouse pulled the strings out of, and making a handful of "cooling bead neckerchiefs". I'm doing the cooling bead job first. While I've never made any before, those will be much less hassle than taking the waistband for the trous apart. They are well made modern pants with a duel-elastic waistband. The drawstrings are anchored in the middle of the back of waistband so I will have to use the seam ripper to access that area and then see if it will be a simple repair or if I will need to redo the entire thing. The anchor straddles the two channels of elastic. And he tells me that he "seems to be missing a lot of his SCA trous". I'm hoping they just got mixed in my mine since they were all the same sizes and colors because it is certainly too late for me to try to make any. He'd borrowed a pair of mine one long-ago event and liked them, and since I bought them in extra-long, they fit his long legs. Over time some shrank and became just mine but during post-event laundry it is easy to get them mixed up with each other's, even though we tagged them to avoid that.

Our struggles with the downed willow tree continue. While the city does pick up yard waste, including tree branches, they are haphazard about it. Today was trash day and none of the piles of carefully cut wood were removed. Then again, our regular trash and recycling wasn't removed either. It makes me want to shake my head. Why does it have to be the last trash day before we go on vacation? And we found a steady line of wood ants climbing our porch pillars when we went out to check the status of the wood piles. It is too late before we leave to get a service call to take care of that so it'll be the first thing I get done once we're home again.

[Update] The cooling beads were a bust. They were very tiny and I thought they'd swell up a lot but they didn't. This is what I get for mail ordering them without getting a referral from a previously happy customer. I just bought the wrong brand, it looks like.

I'm typing this while it isn't taken care of yet, but the HVAC repair guy tells me that the capacitor on our unit failed and that is why our house has had bad air delivery since Christmas. Once the temps dropped below 40f the heating unit didn't raise the temp in the house above 65f. No matter what we set the thermostat at, it stayed low. We ended up buying a new thermostat, twice, and that wasn't addressing the problem - not that we knew that because by the second thermostat the outside temperature had risen high enough that the air conditions in the house were back to comfortable. But then the heat hit here last week and suddenly our house was at 85/86f during the sunny part of the day. This time I specified that I wanted a senior technician. He came out, heard my story, and diagnosed the problem right off the bat. Unfortunately it is about as expensive to address as adding new tires to our trunk. Which we just did and now there is even less money for us to think about spending at Pennsic. Can't call it "being nickled and dimed to death" when the "dime" is in the multiple hundreds.

I didn't do a darned thing with my sewing pile yesterday. It was too hot in the house to think about moving much. We didn't even cook dinner, just ate out of the fridge. But I got a lot done for my Pennsic job. My desk is just below two air vents so what minimal cooling was going on was doubled in that spot. I got a lot of computer work done! After the repairman leaves I will start cutting out the four hoods and their linings. I need to check my trim stash and see if there is anything that would go well on the hoods. I'm trying to de-stash trim so right now I have a box with "stuff that insults the authenticity lover in me" mixed with "woven stuff that is too, too nice to use on just any old thing". I have hopes that between them I can find something to edge the hoods with and lower my stash level a bit.

I have a request in with our lawn service to get the big tree trunk chopped up and its stump ground down. Haven't heard from them yet but I did hear from someone who wants to pick up the pile of wood (roughly half of a cord) so they can use it for firewood. That'll take a worry off of my mind.

The Kingdom of Atlantia had its University event this past weekend. The first set of classes were in-person at a small school on Saturday while the second set were virtual on Sunday. The format works if you happen to live near the site but will likely mean missing out on some Sunday morning classes because of travel if you don't. I admit attending classes in person is much nicer. It is currently made difficult because of our mask requirements when our instructor's mouth is obscured or their quiet voice is muffled by their mask, especially hard for people who are not aware that they lip-read to make up for diminished hearing. As my poor husband found out in his classes on Western Mongolian clothing and Mongolian customs within a Ger (Yurt). His instructor was new to teaching and speaks with a soothing and quiet voice.

We got to the university session later than normal since we just were too tired at 5:00am to hit the road. We went back to bed and both of us woke up refreshed at 9:30, so we drove for three hours to reach it. It was worth the drive. I spent the afternoon "helping out at the University Store" aka reconnecting with two friends and, as ya do, we solved all the SCA problems ever while we talked and laughed. And there was hugging - I don't often but it was so nice to see friends in person.

The next day I took a lackluster class on the history of the College of Arms in the SCA which fulfilled our requirements for annual classes and then a fabulous one on the use and significance of cotton in Abbasid Persia. Many would think that was a dry class, maybe signing up for it expecting examples of fabric decoration styles or treatments but instead it was all about who could grow and market cotton, relative costs of the fabric and its grower's social standing, its importance over other fabrics as the Muslim faith began to supersede the previous religions, and the effect of the global cooling later in the period as well as the reestablishment of preferences for silk among certain groups of people within the population that then spread out into the stricter upper class. Fascinating.

We're making plans to attend an archery competition in a couple of weeks. It's during the Atlantian coronation of our new king and queen - people I don't know at all. That is so strange to me. It turns out that there was miscommunication between the archery marshal in charge and the folks who were helping him get everything organised, so now I am committed to sewing three pilgrim's bags to use as prizes. I'm a little irked that he didn't tell us that he had not lined up someone to make the things and here it is just a little under two weeks from the event, but I've got the fabric now and tomorrow I'll start sewing them together. It shouldn't take too long. Somehow I am going to have to impress on him that asking a craftsman to make something good enough to be prizes is not a task to put off until two weeks before the prizes need to be awarded. But luckily a Laurel in the local group had just taught a class on making the bags and this morning she dropped off one complete one (golden wool lined with scarlet), two different full-sized patterns, and a lovely purple wool someone had donated for the class which had not been used. I dragged the marshal with me to the fabric store this afternoon and he purchased the rest of the necessary materials. And we found, in the remnants bin, one yard of blue suede. It is very, very "heraldic blue" and has a nice soft hand feel. There was printed canvas duck available with a traditional Turkish fabric pattern stamped on it in blue and white which will be perfect for the lining. I expect that one will be the main prize. And he bought some silly holloween/thanksgiving printed fabric to be used to make a joke prize for one of the better-known archers. They do love to razz each other. The incoming Royals are adopting a "pilgrimage" motif for their reign and have arranged to have various badges be given out to attendees at select Kingdom-hosted events. There are six and they fit together to form a map with a river (or trail, whatever) between points of interest. It is a fun idea and I think people will enjoy gathering their "pilgrimage" badges. This FB post has pictures of the badges: https://www.facebook.com/duchessadelhait/posts/pfbid023PViKbLwArWS7mJJgNCEqBbNzZ9cYNHhEk2GwmVeb21dCenpAW3jgKLUNo55ZPN4l


Not related to any of this, do you remember me complaining* about my new PCP whose mantra seemed to be "well, you're just fat and that is the source of your woes"? It seems she is no longer employed by the medical group - and it's a BIG group, covering most of the commonwealth of Virginia. One day she was there as normal and the next day a nurse called to ask who I would like to replace her with as, she explained, "the doctor has moved on to, ah, other employment opportunities." So that is that.

*Actually, I complained in a different venue. But really - I was vacillating between sticking it out to teaching her new views and kicking her to the curb and finding a different primary physician.

Years ago I decided that the big ger (yurt) in our camp at Pennsic deserved to have its walls restored. Somehow in the course of a Pennsic Packout the original canvas walls were thrown away (!) and just the roof kept. It is a huge Ger and we didn't set it up often - it takes up a lot of room and is often used now as an additional University classroom for the Hordesmen (Great Dark & Moritu) who are offering classes in camp. But the wooden walls are latticework skeletal so rainy days mean no classes can safely be taught. I was going to make new walls... and purchased the first bit of canvas to make a pattern with once it was up, made some stencils, and acquired paint and brushes once I got on site, then waited for the ger to be built. And was promptly attacked by a small group of well-meaning but meddlesome folks who didn't like my plan, didn't want walls, thought they had a better plan and I had no business getting involved - and didn't follow through. As happens. Once something gets in "a committee with no leader" it often shrivels and dies.

One of the people who remembered my attempt is now a co-campmaster for us and in a private chat she asked me about "the wall project". I had, at the end before giving up, suggested we purchase fabric shower curtains to use as walls since that answered the repeated complaints about canvas being too heavy and bulky to pack and not letting any air circulation through once it was up on the walls. She remembered that and wanted to know if I was still working on it. I told her my sad tale and how I ended up getting too disillusioned to fight the jeering crowd but still liked the idea of the curtains. Back and forth the conversation went and I ended up saying that I'd be willing to bring it up to the household again. Yeah, about that. People threw money and I'll be buying and delivering 12 wall curtains this year. And a vacuum bag to seal them in for seasonal storage.

Also I was in charge of creating a sheet wall to hide away a deep sink we had at the top area of the camp. It was one of those big white deep sinks and is heavily used but rather unsightly. So I planned on making walls once I got up there (it was a light year for service jobs for me) and brought the "sheep walls" the household uses locally as camp walls*. It turned out that folks in camp liked those better than going with a more dignified camouflage and we never made any new ones even though it takes two panels to make the walls high enough, we just traded out panels whenever the camp kids determined we needed new scenes and I sent home some blanks for people to decorate for the next Pennsic. So yesterday I had to remind folks about those, too, as there hadn't been another Pennsic yet. They want the same ones again. And a few folks remembered their blanks and have promised to decorate them before the event. And a few more would like me to send them blanks that they can work on now, before this Pennsic. We're making our own "Sunday Comics" for the top of the Hill. Most of the sheet walls are panels of cartoon sheep doing this or that. Few are actually "serious" or artistic designs. I kept meaning to get around to painting something a bit more serious but barely managed a couple.

And it is confirmed that I am going to be the Head Troll for Pennsic 50. Anyone want to play around in the troll booth? We open fairly late (8am), close fairly early (10pm except on the middle weekend) and shifts are only four hours long.

I bought more fabric for making some early period clothing to wear at Pennsic. Haven't decided exactly which style I will be sporting but I think likely it will be Greek or Roman. Maybe. I don't wear much jewelry so whatever culture I choose to dress in won't be real obvious unless I wear draped garb. Trinkets make such a difference.

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*Just weeks before a big event in Atlantia called War of the Wings, the staff announced that all camps were expected to have sheet walls up to mark their boundaries. Except there was a typo in the announcement and "sheet" was turned into "sheep" so of course I painted sheep on the walls for our camp, as I was campmaster and didn't have time to farm the job out. And got some others to do that too. The children at the event loved the walls and asked their parents to take them for walks around the camp that first year so after that we just had to keep the goofy things and add to them as we could. Now we don't really have a camp there anymore, not after my spouse and I stopped going. Finding a campmaster is a chore. But the panels will live on at Pennsic.

I just put shredded pork and a package of pork drippings (the liquid remains from our slow cooker) in the freezer. I've been promising myself for a week that I'd turn it into lumpia but one thing and then another delayed me and today, after waking up yet again with a throbbing headache, I decided I'd better safeguard my fixings by freezing them. The drippings are going to be substituted for the water I use to make the rice for the filling. It'll either work or be a disaster. Poor me, I'll have to taste the rice before it gets mixed in with the rest of the filling.

I don't know how long it takes for the internal part of an eye to change its pressure after a diabetic gets their blood sugar down to a safe level but I hope it isn't too long. I need new glasses. I'm fairly certain that eyestrain is the major contributor to my daily headaches but it is still too soon after the endocrinologist's appointment for me to get my vision checked. Uncontrolled high glucose levels increase the internal pressure in the eye and distort vision. My levels are dropping now and stabilizing so it shouldn't be too long before I can make a vision appointment. Since I'm wearing trifocals my glasses are expensive even with the great insurance we have so I'm trying to be patient and play the waiting game.

I bought a fez a few days ago. It's large for my head, which is a good thing as it will sit low to be the base for an Ottoman Turkish headcover. I'll have to remove the (sewn on!) tassel and then do some sort of decorative work on it before adding a veil or else I'll risk being mistaken for a really strange Shriner. I'm looking forward to the project. I only have two Turkish coats and one undertunic - and that tunic has got to go! It is a heavily woven cotton and doesn't breath worth a darn. I think I could sew it into a sack and it'd carry water. But it worked for the quicky purpose I needed it for and I don't regret making it. I would regret not replacing it with something better. I am torn between using some of my already-purchased cotton (or maybe there's some linen) muslin or leveling up to buy a really thin almost-transparent linen, which would be more correct-to-period. It'd be nice to reduce my fabric stash a bit more but since I'll be wearing this next Pennsic in the summer heat, linen appeals. And at some point I'm going to make one or two more outfits. I like wearing Turkish garb.

I'm seeing a counselor now, for mental health. Now that I am feeling a bit better - taking action towards healing does seem to boost that - I can admit that I've been suicidal for over a year or so. I'd be in the "suicidal idealization" category. Had a plan, actually two depending on the weather, but did not act on that. I still don't feel hunky-dory about the future but am working on it. Our goal is for me to gain some self assuredness, sufficient to feel as though the challenges of the future are things I can deal with, and to increase my physical mobility and time outside.

The weather has been lovely, in the mid 60s to low 70s, just right for being outside riding my trike or something, but the damage I did to my left periformis muscle has been keeping me from going out as much. The pain is past but the muscle weakness in my leg is quite debilitating. I cannot rise from a chair, for instance, without levering up via my arms. Toilets, by the way, are chairs. That was an - interesting - thing to have to realize. At one point I thought I was going to be stuck in the bathroom until my husband came home from work. The things that we go through in life! And oh how much I love visiting my oldest friend since her house had been fitted with handicap assistance bars while her mother was in her last years.

I expect the weakness in my thigh & knee to fade but I am. so. impatient! I want to ride my bike/trike/whatever I should call that three-wheeler. When summer truly hits I won't be on it, not until fall. Fall is shorter than spring and I am wasting these lovely days. My goal is to get myself up to the point that I can ride my bike to the grocery store and back again. It has a nice big basket in the back suitable for three or four grocery bags. Not that I'd buy that much while biking. We have, within a mile and a half, Farm Fresh, Super Walmart, Aldi's, and a Lidl. Assuming the Farm Fresh isn't one of the ones scheduled for closing (I haven't checked.) There is also a big shopping mall with a Barnes and Nobel inside. That is between us and the super Walmart. I love the teriyaki chicken that one of the restaurants there presents but my husband doesn't like eating in the mall so a pedaled lunch trip is in my future.

I've regained my enthusiasm for the July-deadlined project I've been working on. That would be the 160 small pouches with lining and large beads at the ends of the drawstrings. Wait. I think I know how to post a photo of the first batch.



I have to hand sew the lining in and along the channel for the drawstrings but they are so small that I can get quite a few done each night. They do not fit in the sewing machine work area at all. It's like trying to hem a preemie's shirt cuff. It just ain't a-gonna work. My newest protogee/apprentice wants to help me and says she'd rather string the drawcords than stitch so I'm happily letting her. Getting the needle threaded with rat's tail cord through (twice) has required blunt pliers. The bags are impossible to thread all the way through without coming out and then in again - the needle (the bodkin didn't work at all) is the same length as the width of the bag. A shorter one would be lovely but none of the ones in my (extensive) needle collection have the same size of eye while also being as sturdy and yet shorter. Obviously I did not plan that well.

Tomorrow is Atlantia's Kingdom Arts and Sciences Festival. I didn't do a durned thing about creating appreciation tokens until today. I went to "A C Moore", which is a big crafter's store, to look for some 'eye' beads or anything else that would be a good token. While there I noticed a package of two hands-of-Fatima (is that "Fah-teem-a" or "Fat-e-ma"?) glued to the top of large gold paper clips. This package was priced at $3.99US, which is too expensive for my blood. But I could surely make those. Or rather, use the idea to make something I liked. Three stores later I had all my supplies. I spent the evening cussing out hot glue guns (drippy cobweb-making things!) but I have nearly 100 gold, silver, and different-colored large paperclips with pretty things glued on one end. They aren't very medieval but then, last year I gave away Lego knights, so I'm not being very Laurel-like. The little clips will look good on my calling-cards, and the recipients can always just give them away if they'd like. I am hoping that some will be used as bookmarks or get taken to the office to brighten the owner's work week.

But hot glue guns *suck*! I threw mine away over 30 years ago and that was a good decision.

The weekend has been lovely. Busy, of course, given the holiday, but lovely. I slept my weird schedule and am tired now after getting up only eight hours ago - but I JUST found the PIN for my online library account so I can't go to bed yet, right? And I've got fabric in the washing machine shrinking before I turn it into a 12thNight gift. Sports cloth - it is so tricky. After two hot washings and dryings, it may come out with a decent hand. Luckily, it is for a surcote so a little stiffness won't hurt. (Heh. autocorrect flipped over 'surcote'. I've had this computer for five years and I never got around to adding that word to the dictionary? Shame on me!) It is a perfect 'Atlantian Blue' so I hope the recipient will be happy with it.

We had friends over yesterday and today. I think that is why I'm tired; peopled out. But it was fun. We need new games to play though. We have six we play regularly and that isn't enough. The hard part is finding ones that will appeal across the board. A couple of our 'regulars' are anything but intellectual - media-stream action movies are their candy so games which require more than a superficial knowledge, strategy, or words leave them cold ("Quiddler" is rarely approved for playing, and then mostly to make Bossman and I feel good). I'm thinking of "Uno". I'd like to come up with something else that would work for a group of 5 or 6 players.

We will have two different card-playing groups in the future. One person, who brings a friend, has decided that they do not wish to be around another person... it isn't a case of emo-crud but rather the hygiene and manners of the shunned one. I understand the motivation of the shunner and cannot fault them for putting their comfort-level in the fore, but it doesn't simplify things for me. I swear to the Gods I am about ready to start a 'new' group and only keep two of the original players! So There! (Huff!)

Nah, I wouldn't do that. This will pass or be resolved in time.

Three weeks of living in the muggy outdoors was exhausting. And yet not. For the first time I had an air mattress on my bed rather than a real one and it was a joy. The mattress predictably lost air during the first night and then stayed in that state for the rest of the time. Its softness was an awful lot like sleeping on our waterbed. For once I came home without sore shoulders and hips. And slept deeply, too, almost every night.

The Deputy Mayor job was fun. Great, even. I'm going to miss doing it next year.

I'm taking a year 'off' from the SCA. Or more specifically, from my local group. Maybe two years, I don't know. I've been very excited about my plans ever since I made the decision - projects that I had waiting are now things I am looking forward to, and I'm even planning new ones. They are all for my own satisfaction - no deadlines, mostly, and no pressure to please others or work around their expectations. So relaxing.

This break time will eliminate the time sink volunteering has had over me so I cannot use any more excuses about getting stronger and building muscles & mobility. I'm looking forward to camping next summer and being able to be useful during set-up, or rather, during unpacking and erecting the pavilion. I AM useful during set up after the pavilion is up, as I am the one who arranges all the furnishings and creates the kitchen set-up. But the heavy lifting has been done by my husband and it's not fair.

Yesterday started the 'build muscle' regime. Minorly, just one exercise done here in the house, but I feel good about it. Today I return to my food log. It was lovely to set it aside for a month (a whole month!). I ate double-stuffed Oreos last night as my celebratory farewell to unmonitored munching. It wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be - the dietary changes have modified my dining desires. I would have killed for some decent cherries instead. Alas, the season has passed.

Today I also pull out my sewing machine to put together the rest of the blank sheet walls our camp will use for War of the Wings. Or at least 'this batch' of them. I've had the fabric sitting there for a year and was never inspired to finish it up, even with a whole bag of bias tape hanging from one of the cabinets in the craft room as a 'reminder'. Now I want to do it.

After I get some sleep. It's become fugitive again so I guess the "Pennsic Recovery Period" has passed.

Helped one of my protégées with their sewing yesterday and was glad I was there to do so since she had a technical problem she had no idea for fixing (neck hole was cut wide and shallow, too wide to sit comfortably on her shoulders.) She now has a gown with a contrasting yoke, inside and out, and it encases the wide opening and has a smaller, more flattering one instead. The color combination is not what I would have chosen but these are her heraldic ones so I can't argue with the decision... well, artistically I can. Fashionably I can. But as a Scadian herald I just have to shrug my shoulders and suggested that with the new yoke she might as well add cuffs too. Some of the people reading this will see that gown in a few weeks. :)

I am feeling lighter in spirit already. My resignations had been sent a few days ago so the changes in attitude were already working through before I posted yesterday's scree. I've already caught up on the 1200+ "SCA Heraldry" list messages that I had not yet read, as well as fourteen month's worth of SCA-cooks list messages. And all of my bookkeeping (love that word - oo-kk-ee) is done. So is 'catching up on all the emails for Cultural Affairs'. In fact, I am now cheerfully going back to check on them two or three times a day, out of (gasp!) curiosity and a desire to see if there is anything I need to handle quickly. Because I want to. That's new and I like it.

I am using today to repack the Rubbermaid bins holding all of the loaner clothing and am washing all of the fabric that I'd set aside for crafting new pieces of loaner apparel. We have a couple of spare bins left over from something else we'd been doing and I shall carefully pack all of the ready-to-cut fabrics in there, safe and out of my sight. I am leaning towards passing those on to the new Gold Key deputy. He doesn't sew but he is quite conscientious. It may be that other members of the barony who do sew would be willing to 'check out' a length of fabric and return it as a completed article of garb. It doesn't have to be me.

While the fabric is cycling through the wash I believe I shall build one of my Lego kits.