stitchwhich: (Default)
Remember me posting about the ex-protégée who'd been dissing me in public and insulting me at my house? Well... she has hit a heck of a run of bad luck and I really feel for her. She and her spouse had to move from their apartment to a complex that would enable them to move out whenever it is time to relocate to their new place in the Great Lakes area, whenever the Navy contract comes through. So they moved to their temporary abode and the first thing that they found was mold happily growing in the refrigerator and the dishwasher, and cockroaches and ants wandering the rooms. They called the management. It took two follow-up calls to finally get some of that addressed. A new refrigerator was brought in and the dishwasher was "sterilized". But no exterminator showed up.

Go forward two weeks and she smelled something nasty while in her bed, got up, and found six inches of sewage backed up into their bathtub. It turns out that this is a fairly common problem in this apartment complex. Her description of how it was handled by the maintenance folks was disgusting and the guy left without fully cleaning the sewage from the tub. In the meanwhile, ants reinvaded the kitchen. And a couple of women tried to let themselves into the apartment (and nearly got shot!) without knocking or calling out. It turned out that they were cleaning crew and had thought that they were called to clean an empty unit. B had already scrubbed the life out of the bathtub so she sent them on their way with a flea in their ear about knocking before trying to enter. Another round of calls to the main office leads to an exterminator showing up - who said that this call was the first service request he'd gotten. The office had not bothered with it before that day. But the exterminator was thorough, and she was content with that.

Then this week hit. Their toilet began to leak out of the bottom. It seems that the maintenance folks neglected to use a proper wax seal on it when they installed it after the "renovations" they'd done before B & her spouse moved in. So there is yet another work order in to get the toilet repaired. Which is the only toilet in the apartment. But the maintenance guy won't get there until tomorrow because he's dealing with a sewage back up in a different apartment.

We had torrential rain yesterday and the day before. B woke up because she could hear water dripping. It is coming out of the wall and the frame of her bedroom window. It was also coming out of the wall and window frame in the other bedroom. It was leaking so badly that the caulking and the wall board around the windows started falling out. Both windows will have to be replaced, the openings re-built, and the wallboard replaced. I have no idea where B & her spouse will live while that is being done.

The Luck, she is not smiling at B.
stitchwhich: (death takes a hollandaise)
Oh... and this happened.

When we hosted guests to play cards, as we do each Sunday evening (pretty much), the woman who'd once been my protégée (remember me mentioning her?) joined us. We had made plans to try out the new ham & potato soup for dinner. When it was time to eat, she said she'd been wanting to use the new feast gear she'd bought for herself and since she wasn't going to be attending any events soon so she'd brought it with her to use here. She pulled out a plate and a bowl. When I handed her our silverware and a napkin for her setting, she closely examined the spoon and then took a cloth out of her travel bag and wiped it down with the cloth before placing it by her dining ware. I admit, I was so taken aback that I said, "I'm sorry that my dishes are not clean enough for you" and she just shrugged her shoulders then replied that that wasn't why she'd "polished" the new flatware and turned to start talking to someone else in the room.

After our guests had gone my normally easy-going man asked what I thought about that. I told him I'd felt insulted - and he said he'd felt the same way. I'm not really sure what to do about it, if anything. Not about this particular episode per se, but about the frequent small slights she's begun displaying towards me and mine. They are so small that while they form a pattern, it'd be easy for her to blow off anything I'd say about it as me being "too touchy" or "wanting to put her in the wrong".

Also...

Mar. 1st, 2023 06:23 pm
stitchwhich: (Default)
ALso, do you remember when I angsted all over about failing one of my protégées and we ended up breaking the relationship? https://stitchwhich.dreamwidth.org/477763.html?nc=3#comments Well, things morphed into something (almost) nasty. When I see her, she is all sweetness and "I've missed you so much!" but on social media and behind my back at events there have been quite a few barbs and darts thrown my way (which she will post about to ensure that I know about it.) Sort of the kind of comments women often make when they are working out their resentment against their mothers after they leave home. I don't take much hurt from them, mostly note that the comments are bitter and judgy and do not reflect well on her and also (happy wonders!) are no longer generating fall-out that would be my problem to address. There is fall-out, of course, but it isn't anything negative against me. And the errors she has been making are (yay!) not my problem either. Like, maybe, picking up the King's champion's gauntlet and slapping him with it when he issued the standard challenge after coronation ceremony... (sigh)

She's moving. She and her husband are relocating to Wisconsin. The Kingdom of Northshield, in the SCA. I don't even feel guilty about being relieved. And it should be a good for her, to escape where she's made so many missteps and be in a SCA kingdom that has no prior knowledge of her. She's been steadily changing and growing these last few years and I hope the positive changes continue.

But she will cease to be "my problem" soon and that Feels. So. Good.
stitchwhich: (Penguin looking in)
This is going to be scatter-shot. I haven't been on Dreamwidth, or even my computer, in a few weeks and I want to write something before I go to my reading page to catch up with how everyone has been doing.

I like to eat pre-packaged salads*. There was a new variety at our local store, an apple/walnut/chicken one with an onion vinaigrette dressing. I shall be keeping an eye out for it from now on - it was delicious! This time of year ushers in the desire for salads as meals.

Someone posted a picture of a lovely embroidered pillbox-type hat to be used as part of her Ottoman era costume and I learned that it was actually a kippah and available on Amazon. So I bought one. YAY! A period-correct head covering (just needs a veil) for my Ottoman garb with no sewing involved! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZCFR1IM?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

Do you remember when I posted about being told that my "SCA superpower" was "to make someone feel really bad about f*cking up without cursing or raising my voice" (https://stitchwhich.dreamwidth.org/477763.html?nc=3#comments)? I was distrait about it...

A few days ago during a gathering where we were joking about our best skills and I mentioned that to her, that I was mean, at least in her eyes. She was surprised that I took her comment that way. And yet, agreed. See, all those times I had to talk to her about the repercussions of her actions within the Society, she didn't really listen to what I was trying to teach her, or to help her gain understanding about, or my suggestions about how to rectify a situation she'd created. What she heard was that I didn't value her and was wasting no time to tell her so. She wanted my approval. She didn't give a dang about growing more knowledgeable, or proficient, or even more compassionate. She just wanted this stand-in mother to smile on her and tell her that everything she did was something I would be proud of, no matter what it was.

I understand now. And further, I understand why, after she fell in love and married, she ended the Peer/protégée relationship we had. It was never about the SCA for her. She wanted someone she respected to tell her that she was important and deserved to be loved. I regret that she never heard me when I gave her praise or cheered her on but I don't ache over it any more. In terms of "being a Peer", this was a sharp lesson.


*Having pre-packaged foods eliminates the requirement that I weigh and measure each ingredient I combine to make a meal. Sometimes when I am weary that is the difference between me eating or skipping a meal. Unfortunately with the sleep deprivation I am tired most of the time. Then again, I am also recently feeling better and more energetic thanks to a reduction in resting-time pain. I went out on a limb and have been sporadically taking 20mg of over-the-counter CBD before bedtime. It does reduce the rigid muscle cramping in my legs and on top of that has a side benefit of making me a little more "mellow" about being unable to sleep, so I rest better even though I am not actually sleeping, not spinning up emotionally as the hours pass while I am awake. If that makes sense. After a little more trial time I will consider asking my doctor about changing how we address the nighttime leg cramping and pain. Right now I am not taking the CBD every day - I don't know enough about the effects of long term use so am being careful to take it only occasionally. (How bad is the leg cramping? A few mornings ago I asked my husband to feel the muscle on my upper thigh. Sort of one of those "see I'm not crazy, this is weird, right?" kind of instances. He thought he was touching my hip bone. This is not a simple case of restless leg syndrome or diabetic neuropathy. It is too bad there isn't a specialist in our area who'd recognise this and know how to alleviate it. I can't be the only person who experiences this.)
stitchwhich: (smite)
Recently I posted one of those memes that circle around Facebook, "What is my SCA super power?". I knew that folks who didn't care for me wouldn't answer it (or were unlikely to) but a surprising selection of current and far-away friends did with kind responses and then one person replied with this,

"Without cursing or raising your voice, you can make someone feel really bad for fucking up.
Also your arts and crafts ability are God-tier."

And doncha know it, that is the only answer sticking with me. I know that the danger of posting such a thing is that you may get a negative response but this one - this one winded me. It was from a (recent)ex-protégée who I went to bat for over and over, and worked with a lot in helping her learn social skills (and taught her how to cook medieval and camp foods, to camp SCA-style, to sew, to draft patterns... you know, stuff) and after nearly a decade of association, this is her view of my "super power". That I am good at being mean. Which tells me how much I failed her. And that is what hurts. I failed her.

Logically, I know that is a one-sided view. She has recently gained a lot of self assurance and pride again, and is now married and happily forging her own path, and I'm proud of her. I'm also relieved, because it was difficult to watch her insult people, or misunderstand what they were saying and then react viciously to them, or some of the other things she was prone to do that I now longer am obligated to help her clean up. No more "teaching moments" or conversations. Apparently what I saw as me helping her to see how other people would feel (like, "why it is not a good idea to steal the King's crown during an event and try to understand how this was a giant mistake, and it is natural that TRMs are angry") was me being mean.

Huh. In typing this out I stopped feeling guilty and flipped to relief that isn't my job anymore. Okay then!
Page generated Jun. 29th, 2025 08:44 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios