![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jul. 14th, 2011 05:43 amIts early morning - I haven't been to bed, yet. I'm back to a few hours of sleep, then a long stretch awake, then a nap/sleep again. It happens.
I just finished watching Big Fish. It will be the last DVD I get from Netflix, as I'm not going to pay the extra $6 a month to continue my subscription as is - I decided to just go with streaming video. That means that I'll miss out on a lot of shows I meant to get around to watching, but really - if they were all that important to me, I would have made a push to see them. The Gods know, I sure as heck make it a point to research and acquire the books I want to read!
I've been sewing a gown for Pennsic. Or rather, Pennsic is my excuse to motivate myself to make a new gown. The work goes slowly. I just can't seem to get into the groove and get it done. I have one sleeve set in, which needs to be french-seamed, and then all that will be left is the other sleeve and the hem. And yet, on this sleepless night, I opted to watch a movie and play Solitaire on my computer. I just don't want to sew. Or to embroider, even, that being what I've started around the neckline. We've got one week before we should be packed to hit the road. I really ought to get on with it.
Living with the effects of my cancer-fighting regime seems to exhaust me. Or I guess that is what it is. It feels as though I've staggered up from a feverish bed and only have a few minutes before I'm going to be down again. That's not true but it is how I feel for most of each day. Many people who have stopped taking the Gleevec, on the advice of their doctors, have later developed their cancer again - but they've had years of health before it reoccurs and they have to go back on the Gleevec in the the hopes that it will shrink the new tumors. And they seem, well, comfortable with having made that choice, of taking that time out. The doctor tells me that I have the option to stop taking the stuff after a year, that my prognosis is mild enough to do so as long as I continue with the CT scans for monitoring... I wonder if I will get my enthusiasm back if I can stop taking this stuff? Or maybe I should not think about that, but think about trying to adapt to the now and bully through this. Learn to get used to it and overcome the effects. I don't know. How does a person deal with the daily decision to poison themselves? What really is better?
Or maybe I ought not type journal entries in the wee hours of the morning. I really should go finish that dress - my plan is to do machine embroidery (satin stitch) around the hem, in colors that match my real embroidery around the neck & wrists. Which means that I need to get cracking on the construction so I'll have time to do all that satin-stitching - slowly - so I won't give the sewing machine a heart attack. And today would be a good day to do that.
It's going to be lovely today. I could already tell that by the quality of light filtering through the leaves of the willow tree and shining into our windows. The forecast is for the low 80s, with a slight breeze. That seems so halycon compared to the suffocating heat of the last month. I want to be outside, doing something. I can't be outside - but I want to!
I just finished watching Big Fish. It will be the last DVD I get from Netflix, as I'm not going to pay the extra $6 a month to continue my subscription as is - I decided to just go with streaming video. That means that I'll miss out on a lot of shows I meant to get around to watching, but really - if they were all that important to me, I would have made a push to see them. The Gods know, I sure as heck make it a point to research and acquire the books I want to read!
I've been sewing a gown for Pennsic. Or rather, Pennsic is my excuse to motivate myself to make a new gown. The work goes slowly. I just can't seem to get into the groove and get it done. I have one sleeve set in, which needs to be french-seamed, and then all that will be left is the other sleeve and the hem. And yet, on this sleepless night, I opted to watch a movie and play Solitaire on my computer. I just don't want to sew. Or to embroider, even, that being what I've started around the neckline. We've got one week before we should be packed to hit the road. I really ought to get on with it.
Living with the effects of my cancer-fighting regime seems to exhaust me. Or I guess that is what it is. It feels as though I've staggered up from a feverish bed and only have a few minutes before I'm going to be down again. That's not true but it is how I feel for most of each day. Many people who have stopped taking the Gleevec, on the advice of their doctors, have later developed their cancer again - but they've had years of health before it reoccurs and they have to go back on the Gleevec in the the hopes that it will shrink the new tumors. And they seem, well, comfortable with having made that choice, of taking that time out. The doctor tells me that I have the option to stop taking the stuff after a year, that my prognosis is mild enough to do so as long as I continue with the CT scans for monitoring... I wonder if I will get my enthusiasm back if I can stop taking this stuff? Or maybe I should not think about that, but think about trying to adapt to the now and bully through this. Learn to get used to it and overcome the effects. I don't know. How does a person deal with the daily decision to poison themselves? What really is better?
Or maybe I ought not type journal entries in the wee hours of the morning. I really should go finish that dress - my plan is to do machine embroidery (satin stitch) around the hem, in colors that match my real embroidery around the neck & wrists. Which means that I need to get cracking on the construction so I'll have time to do all that satin-stitching - slowly - so I won't give the sewing machine a heart attack. And today would be a good day to do that.
It's going to be lovely today. I could already tell that by the quality of light filtering through the leaves of the willow tree and shining into our windows. The forecast is for the low 80s, with a slight breeze. That seems so halycon compared to the suffocating heat of the last month. I want to be outside, doing something. I can't be outside - but I want to!
