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Sometimes, it tears your heart
Jun. 28th, 2012 12:19 amWhen I first learned that I had cancer, on the advice of a good friend (you know who you are) I joined an online support group for those with the same disease. I was pretty much a basket case, with so little information about what I had and what I could expect as a prognosis, and with (at the time) Bossman's denial of my illness (some people just cope at different speeds... I went faster and further down the road than he did and it left me hanging for a while there, with no one to talk to about my fears.)
A woman named Janeen wrote to me. She even sent her phone number and asked me to call her, and I did. I drew a lot of comfort from her support and aid. Her husband had the same disease and had been dealing with it for (I think it was) about six years. He was not as lucky as I am - he had/has tumors that were inoperable and would never be able to live without the Gleevec. And then his cancer mutated beyond what the Gleevec could affect, so it was on to less-useful chemical therapies. Those made him more and more ill, with horrible side effects.
And now there are no more treatments to try. His body has just given out in the midsts of 'try number two' of Stutent. High blood pressure, loss of appetite, weight loss, nausea, cramps and muscle fatigue. And now, his liver is failing.
It's time.
He's been put into hospice care and they are working hard to limit his pain. She is staying with him as much as she can. This has all come within two days... he was 'eh, but I can get around' on Sunday, "extra" ill on Monday enough to make her take him to the ER, and today, well, today his family has been called and they're saying farewell.
Even hwile I ache for Janeen's pain, and rail against the knowledge that there is nothing I can really do for her so far away, I am selfishly thanking the Gods that I am far from that point. It will come, but someday much later than now.
I wish I could do more to comfort her and lend her strength. I hope when my time comes, it is after Bossman's, so he will never, ever, have to go through what Janeen is experiencing.
A woman named Janeen wrote to me. She even sent her phone number and asked me to call her, and I did. I drew a lot of comfort from her support and aid. Her husband had the same disease and had been dealing with it for (I think it was) about six years. He was not as lucky as I am - he had/has tumors that were inoperable and would never be able to live without the Gleevec. And then his cancer mutated beyond what the Gleevec could affect, so it was on to less-useful chemical therapies. Those made him more and more ill, with horrible side effects.
And now there are no more treatments to try. His body has just given out in the midsts of 'try number two' of Stutent. High blood pressure, loss of appetite, weight loss, nausea, cramps and muscle fatigue. And now, his liver is failing.
It's time.
He's been put into hospice care and they are working hard to limit his pain. She is staying with him as much as she can. This has all come within two days... he was 'eh, but I can get around' on Sunday, "extra" ill on Monday enough to make her take him to the ER, and today, well, today his family has been called and they're saying farewell.
Even hwile I ache for Janeen's pain, and rail against the knowledge that there is nothing I can really do for her so far away, I am selfishly thanking the Gods that I am far from that point. It will come, but someday much later than now.
I wish I could do more to comfort her and lend her strength. I hope when my time comes, it is after Bossman's, so he will never, ever, have to go through what Janeen is experiencing.
