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Feb. 23rd, 2015 03:04 amI've been trying to think about how to deal with a particular behavior that has been cropping up in my world lately - often enough that I am reacting with barely-hidden contempt for the displayers of the behavior (which is NOT the way I want to react!)
I don't know if there is a name for this pattern. I do understand that it springs from a feeling of inadequacy or insecurity. It's has become the norm to be treated to an almost-theatrical sigh followed by "Someday I would like to be good enough to deserve _____ award" or "I'll never earn that - ever" when a person having just received it is brought up in conversation, leading into a second remark (perhaps) of, "I'll just never be up in those levels of Society [or whatever height it is]". In one particular person's case, it happens every. single. time. good news is shared about someone we know. In all cases the speaker is obviously looking for a quick denial from their audience; that they are in fact that good, or sure to get noticed and awarded whatever it is, or will sometime very, very soon (they show disappointment when that isn't a response)... often this seems to also be accompanied by other conversation gambits such as waiting until the discussion moves on and someone else in the group of people is talking and then they'll start a secondary conversation towards a nearby person who is listening to the current speaker specifically so they can name-drop or brag about being noticed over the past week by someone both parties are familiar with and respect. Which may well then be followed by yet another mournful sigh about how "someday I might be good enough to considered as smart/knowledgable/fabulous as they are."
I understand the need to be noticed and reassured of your worth. But my immediate reaction is almost always one of revulsion towards that person and a desire to shut the speaker down as harshly as possible. Which I don't do - of course - but I'm wondering how I can teach myself a better reaction to what seems to me to be "Plays for Praise". I don't like my kneejerk reaction even if it gets tiring to be around people who seem to constantly need to throw themselves into the limelight and get petted for, well, just doing the job they volunteered for. Doing it well, yes, and that's nice, but am I required to applaud every day? I enjoy being a cheerleader for my friends and acquaintances but, but - I despise being cornered into it in every gathering by more than one person. By the time person number two (or maybe three) has started in, I'm ready to snap, "you cannot whine yourself into an Order or award, so frikking get over it." Which is not the way I want to treat the people I care about.
And more important than me trying to retrain myself to a more loving reaction, how do I teach those who exhibit this behavior that it is both unattractive and will certainly not further their goals towards being thought deserving of that craved honor/award/regard?
This whine is brought to you by the letters E, G, and O. And the Book of Face, which made sure that I got my daily dose of the behavior before I retired to my bed. And I thought I'd escaped it today...
I don't know if there is a name for this pattern. I do understand that it springs from a feeling of inadequacy or insecurity. It's has become the norm to be treated to an almost-theatrical sigh followed by "Someday I would like to be good enough to deserve _____ award" or "I'll never earn that - ever" when a person having just received it is brought up in conversation, leading into a second remark (perhaps) of, "I'll just never be up in those levels of Society [or whatever height it is]". In one particular person's case, it happens every. single. time. good news is shared about someone we know. In all cases the speaker is obviously looking for a quick denial from their audience; that they are in fact that good, or sure to get noticed and awarded whatever it is, or will sometime very, very soon (they show disappointment when that isn't a response)... often this seems to also be accompanied by other conversation gambits such as waiting until the discussion moves on and someone else in the group of people is talking and then they'll start a secondary conversation towards a nearby person who is listening to the current speaker specifically so they can name-drop or brag about being noticed over the past week by someone both parties are familiar with and respect. Which may well then be followed by yet another mournful sigh about how "someday I might be good enough to considered as smart/knowledgable/fabulous as they are."
I understand the need to be noticed and reassured of your worth. But my immediate reaction is almost always one of revulsion towards that person and a desire to shut the speaker down as harshly as possible. Which I don't do - of course - but I'm wondering how I can teach myself a better reaction to what seems to me to be "Plays for Praise". I don't like my kneejerk reaction even if it gets tiring to be around people who seem to constantly need to throw themselves into the limelight and get petted for, well, just doing the job they volunteered for. Doing it well, yes, and that's nice, but am I required to applaud every day? I enjoy being a cheerleader for my friends and acquaintances but, but - I despise being cornered into it in every gathering by more than one person. By the time person number two (or maybe three) has started in, I'm ready to snap, "you cannot whine yourself into an Order or award, so frikking get over it." Which is not the way I want to treat the people I care about.
And more important than me trying to retrain myself to a more loving reaction, how do I teach those who exhibit this behavior that it is both unattractive and will certainly not further their goals towards being thought deserving of that craved honor/award/regard?
This whine is brought to you by the letters E, G, and O. And the Book of Face, which made sure that I got my daily dose of the behavior before I retired to my bed. And I thought I'd escaped it today...
