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Apr. 28th, 2018 12:19 amI'm seeing a counselor now, for mental health. Now that I am feeling a bit better - taking action towards healing does seem to boost that - I can admit that I've been suicidal for over a year or so. I'd be in the "suicidal idealization" category. Had a plan, actually two depending on the weather, but did not act on that. I still don't feel hunky-dory about the future but am working on it. Our goal is for me to gain some self assuredness, sufficient to feel as though the challenges of the future are things I can deal with, and to increase my physical mobility and time outside.
The weather has been lovely, in the mid 60s to low 70s, just right for being outside riding my trike or something, but the damage I did to my left periformis muscle has been keeping me from going out as much. The pain is past but the muscle weakness in my leg is quite debilitating. I cannot rise from a chair, for instance, without levering up via my arms. Toilets, by the way, are chairs. That was an - interesting - thing to have to realize. At one point I thought I was going to be stuck in the bathroom until my husband came home from work. The things that we go through in life! And oh how much I love visiting my oldest friend since her house had been fitted with handicap assistance bars while her mother was in her last years.
I expect the weakness in my thigh & knee to fade but I am. so. impatient! I want to ride my bike/trike/whatever I should call that three-wheeler. When summer truly hits I won't be on it, not until fall. Fall is shorter than spring and I am wasting these lovely days. My goal is to get myself up to the point that I can ride my bike to the grocery store and back again. It has a nice big basket in the back suitable for three or four grocery bags. Not that I'd buy that much while biking. We have, within a mile and a half, Farm Fresh, Super Walmart, Aldi's, and a Lidl. Assuming the Farm Fresh isn't one of the ones scheduled for closing (I haven't checked.) There is also a big shopping mall with a Barnes and Nobel inside. That is between us and the super Walmart. I love the teriyaki chicken that one of the restaurants there presents but my husband doesn't like eating in the mall so a pedaled lunch trip is in my future.
I've regained my enthusiasm for the July-deadlined project I've been working on. That would be the 160 small pouches with lining and large beads at the ends of the drawstrings. Wait. I think I know how to post a photo of the first batch.
I have to hand sew the lining in and along the channel for the drawstrings but they are so small that I can get quite a few done each night. They do not fit in the sewing machine work area at all. It's like trying to hem a preemie's shirt cuff. It just ain't a-gonna work. My newest protogee/apprentice wants to help me and says she'd rather string the drawcords than stitch so I'm happily letting her. Getting the needle threaded with rat's tail cord through (twice) has required blunt pliers. The bags are impossible to thread all the way through without coming out and then in again - the needle (the bodkin didn't work at all) is the same length as the width of the bag. A shorter one would be lovely but none of the ones in my (extensive) needle collection have the same size of eye while also being as sturdy and yet shorter. Obviously I did not plan that well.
The weather has been lovely, in the mid 60s to low 70s, just right for being outside riding my trike or something, but the damage I did to my left periformis muscle has been keeping me from going out as much. The pain is past but the muscle weakness in my leg is quite debilitating. I cannot rise from a chair, for instance, without levering up via my arms. Toilets, by the way, are chairs.
I expect the weakness in my thigh & knee to fade but I am. so. impatient! I want to ride my bike/trike/whatever I should call that three-wheeler. When summer truly hits I won't be on it, not until fall. Fall is shorter than spring and I am wasting these lovely days. My goal is to get myself up to the point that I can ride my bike to the grocery store and back again. It has a nice big basket in the back suitable for three or four grocery bags. Not that I'd buy that much while biking. We have, within a mile and a half, Farm Fresh, Super Walmart, Aldi's, and a Lidl. Assuming the Farm Fresh isn't one of the ones scheduled for closing (I haven't checked.) There is also a big shopping mall with a Barnes and Nobel inside. That is between us and the super Walmart. I love the teriyaki chicken that one of the restaurants there presents but my husband doesn't like eating in the mall so a pedaled lunch trip is in my future.
I've regained my enthusiasm for the July-deadlined project I've been working on. That would be the 160 small pouches with lining and large beads at the ends of the drawstrings. Wait. I think I know how to post a photo of the first batch.
I have to hand sew the lining in and along the channel for the drawstrings but they are so small that I can get quite a few done each night. They do not fit in the sewing machine work area at all. It's like trying to hem a preemie's shirt cuff. It just ain't a-gonna work. My newest protogee/apprentice wants to help me and says she'd rather string the drawcords than stitch so I'm happily letting her. Getting the needle threaded with rat's tail cord through (twice) has required blunt pliers. The bags are impossible to thread all the way through without coming out and then in again - the needle (the bodkin didn't work at all) is the same length as the width of the bag. A shorter one would be lovely but none of the ones in my (extensive) needle collection have the same size of eye while also being as sturdy and yet shorter. Obviously I did not plan that well.
