Heartbreak
Jul. 6th, 2006 11:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stitchwhichWell, we're back.
Maggie did not pass on, nore did she regain conciousness. There's random movement of this or that. Her eyes do open and close but not by will, so far as we can tell. She can focus, a bit, 'on command' when the nurses do their tests. Her stroke was of one hemisphere and they do not expect her to regain speech (that section of the brain is too damaged) nor the ability to use the opposite side of her body. The *Best* case scenerio is that she regains consciousness and be able to feed herself with extensive rehab. They do not expect her to be able to write, however, so communication will be limited to eye-blinks, I guess. That's IF she progresses past the machine breathing for her, the food tube, the other thingy keeping her from choking because she can not swallow on her own (voluntarily or not) and all the other support stuff for the rest of her body functions.
It's grim. Her husband is begging her, pleading with her, to stay. He cannot bear life without her so _even though he says he knows it is selfish_, he will fight to make sure that her body continues in whatever state it can achieve. He did, however, agree to a DNR - although he hadn't signed it before we left. Our only hope for her release is that the other family member who are still there will be able to help him lose his fear - most of it seems to be based on his fear of HIS future, rather than on what is best for Maggie.
Maggie said, over and over, that she 'prayed that no one would make her live like that' whenever we discussed 'vegative states'. And there's not a damned thing we can do to stop that since she had no Living Will or medical POA. If you're read this - please smile here and tell yourself that you have one. If you didn't smile just now - go get one. Nag your loved ones to go get one. If yours is so old that state law may have changed - get a new one. Put it where it can be found. Tell *everyone* where it is so your wishes will be honored should some family member shirk when you need them to be strong. Maggie would not be suffering like this if she'd had one.
They don't expect her to live more than a few months, no matter what. It's early days, I know, and there's no telling how far she may recover but I find that I'm praying that prognosis is correct and she can find release from that poor trapped body soon. Arn and I are discussing attempting another visit in November, maybe, as his work permits. It's a long drive (15 hours) so I'll be looking at alternate travel ideas that enable us to be mobility-independent.
Beyond the grim parts of our visit, I found myself overloading on bigotry and more bigotry... even a family meal was spiced, if one can call it that, with pointed remarks about "damned mexicans" and "that coloured doctor/nurse/administrator who doesn't understand American ways..." I think, in a way, that was even more heartbreaking.
Maggie did not pass on, nore did she regain conciousness. There's random movement of this or that. Her eyes do open and close but not by will, so far as we can tell. She can focus, a bit, 'on command' when the nurses do their tests. Her stroke was of one hemisphere and they do not expect her to regain speech (that section of the brain is too damaged) nor the ability to use the opposite side of her body. The *Best* case scenerio is that she regains consciousness and be able to feed herself with extensive rehab. They do not expect her to be able to write, however, so communication will be limited to eye-blinks, I guess. That's IF she progresses past the machine breathing for her, the food tube, the other thingy keeping her from choking because she can not swallow on her own (voluntarily or not) and all the other support stuff for the rest of her body functions.
It's grim. Her husband is begging her, pleading with her, to stay. He cannot bear life without her so _even though he says he knows it is selfish_, he will fight to make sure that her body continues in whatever state it can achieve. He did, however, agree to a DNR - although he hadn't signed it before we left. Our only hope for her release is that the other family member who are still there will be able to help him lose his fear - most of it seems to be based on his fear of HIS future, rather than on what is best for Maggie.
Maggie said, over and over, that she 'prayed that no one would make her live like that' whenever we discussed 'vegative states'. And there's not a damned thing we can do to stop that since she had no Living Will or medical POA. If you're read this - please smile here and tell yourself that you have one. If you didn't smile just now - go get one. Nag your loved ones to go get one. If yours is so old that state law may have changed - get a new one. Put it where it can be found. Tell *everyone* where it is so your wishes will be honored should some family member shirk when you need them to be strong. Maggie would not be suffering like this if she'd had one.
They don't expect her to live more than a few months, no matter what. It's early days, I know, and there's no telling how far she may recover but I find that I'm praying that prognosis is correct and she can find release from that poor trapped body soon. Arn and I are discussing attempting another visit in November, maybe, as his work permits. It's a long drive (15 hours) so I'll be looking at alternate travel ideas that enable us to be mobility-independent.
Beyond the grim parts of our visit, I found myself overloading on bigotry and more bigotry... even a family meal was spiced, if one can call it that, with pointed remarks about "damned mexicans" and "that coloured doctor/nurse/administrator who doesn't understand American ways..." I think, in a way, that was even more heartbreaking.
