Thoughts

The Night of Teachers - not my family members, actually, because I haven't got a dead one who taught me much that I'd want to celebrate, so... ( An unnamed black lady )

In January of 2003, I lost the ability to do much lifting, walking, sitting - you know, housewifey stuff - and then gained it back. This evening, I did something I've not done for over two and a half years. I made our bed by myself. Not much to brag about, I know, but anyone who has been dependent on someone else for everyday life necessities will understand why it made me feel somehow empowered. We have a California King Extra-long waterbed. With a heavy layer of silicant in the mattress to reduce "wave action". That's a heavy, heavy mattress. And a wide one, which necessitates bending while on tiptoes in order to reach, lift, and tuck the sheets under the mattress in the middle sections. I did it. I did it alone. pardon me if I grin to myself for a while.

The Rules
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions and leave the answers as comments on my blog.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

From Kailyn, who started this for me:
1. Military service is taking a bit of a bashing in some quarters these days. What is the most valuable thing gained from your military service? The biggest drawback?

The quick and easy answer would be "my husband" since I would have never met him otherwise, but that circumvents your intention I think. I had to sleep on your question. I think the most valuable thing I gained was self-respect. I don't know how I'd be catagorized politically but there's a deep core of patriotism in me, an appreciation for how unique our country's philosophy is and how - coddled - a child growing up here is in comparison with other places. I grant that some places are "better" in that regard than the US, but most aren't and aren't in a particularily frightening way. We consider it abnormal, for example, that a child go to bed hungry... or be afraid for their lives. So as horrid as my childhood was to folks on the outside of it, I grew up with an awareness of how much worse it could have been and wasn't, thanks to the agency of our various levels of government. And I wanted to give back. So I did. And as Heinlein explored in some of his books, I feel that I've earned my francise and make a point of exercising and refreshing it every fall. Biggest drawback? Living in an environment that promotes crudity and bigotry. Until I'd joined the Navy, I'd never experienced such non-personal hatred from someone else, nor had it promoted by the people around me. Neither, btw, did I use cuss words or know the bigotry terms for other races or behavior traits beyond "nigger". It was quite an eye-opener.

2. We met at one of your first events. Do you remember the event and meeting me? What were your impressions?

Oh My Ghod. Um.... no I don't remember! But I have this horrid feeling that I must have done some sort of newbie stupidity for YOU to remember. Great. I have hazy memories of you in a scholarly context - witty, intense, and intimidating in field of knowledge. I remember thinking that it'd be a worthy goal to try to be up to the standards that you and your friends set at Atlantian University. But you know, I don't remember how far into meeting you that was. And you can laugh - the first time I saw you relaxing and bright with partygirl happiness, I was stunned. I had you pegged as someone who never relaxed!

3. You've recently become a double Peer. What challenges does this present to you?

Deserving it. The Laurel, anyway. I'm a button-counter and a bottle-polisher. Little of my private studies translate out to something that a person can see and cite as something concrete, someone who can help a person with their own studies or skills. I know that few members of the Order actually polled positive for me and I understand why... but while I understand it, I can't figure out how to remedy it. Displaying a level of excellence in Art or Skill takes concentrated and dedicated time, which I would have to deduct from supporting my local group and clothing the new folks who need help. And concentrating on one area of study would take time from others - there are too many others! So I'm trying to find ways to set aside "personal" time to really dig and get to do projects that fire me up and allow myself the luxury of indulging that creativity without feeling guilty about not working on someone else's need. It's a balancing act.

4. What’s one thing you’re not doing now in the SCA that you’d like to be?

A better problem-solver. I'd like to be able to help the mechanism that supports our hobby move effectively and compassionately yet not get sucked into only seeing the political/administrative side of the SCA - nor encourage others to get sucked in, either. When I'm gone, I'd like to be remembered as someone who got things done, and done well, by the folks who work in the background while those who are here just to have a good time only know me as someone who teaches embroidery or buys water and sodas for the Pennsic troll booth...


5. What has been your greatest parenting challenge? The greatest reward?

Shawn. Both questions. He came into my world so different than anyone I'd ever known and with such unique personality traits. Smarter than anyone else in the family and born with a physical handicap that prevented him from expressing it. Always overshadowed by a talented older brother to whom everything came easy. Shawn spent his childhood sullen and angry with occassionial outbreaks of happiness. My only goal was to get him through his teens without him dead or in jail - truly. It was so hard for him... and he was so smart that all of the behavioral training techniques dreamed up by child physchs were effective for (at most) two weeks before he'd figure out what we were doing and simply *disallow* their effect. Children come to us trusting that we're going to dedicate ourselves to helping them discover and shape their potential. I spent years mourning my inability to be the mother that child needed. I questioned my goals and actions everyday. The teachers and some of his doctors wanted to drug him into lotus-land - not because he was actually suffering from the conditions that would support those drug choices, but because they just couldn't find any other solution. I was encouraged to place him in an ultra-disciplined military school. To send him away... I knew it'd break him. Yeah, he'd turn into what Society expected of a child but he'd be a stranger to himself and his creative and loving potential would have had to be sacrificed to achieve that. I finally had to take a leap of trust and make myself believe that he came to us because we really were the best parents this unique boy could have and that the Gods and our Higher Selves wouldn't let me screw him up too much. That decision of faith is one I will never regret. He's outgrown his physical handicap and with that growth he's recovered the joy in life that he showed as a baby. He's compassionate yet upright, honest and hard-working at need. He's more than his parents were at that age. I never expected to be alive when he would be able to show the "him" I believed in. I'm so very grateful that I am.