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Feb. 23rd, 2012 02:19 pmQuick update, because I just didn't think about it until a friend smacked me upside my head... I'm not going to try to redraft anything - I'm just going to edit what I wrote to her, now, because I just remembered that I should, but I'm actually doing other work. Yeah, I'm working on something for a change.
I've been depressed. Not because my news was bad! It was actually very good. I just figured out why I've been so withdrawn (bolt of lightning! Hey, dummy, that sounds like - depression! Duh!) so now I need to kick it.
The latest CT scans showed that the spots in my lungs have oddly stopped growing or multiplying. For now. According to the pulmonologist, that means that we won't have to do anything else but another CT scan in three months. We're in 'watching' mode. Cancer hasn't been ruled out, but given the cessation of growth, it'd be a weird one. Not that I would have anything weird! There is still no idea what they are but since they're not doing anything detrimental, we can let it rest.
The oncologist's PA said that with the lack of metastic cells in my tumor, and this year of being NED (no evidence of disease), I am probably in a solid remission. I'll have to continue taking the Gleevec for another two years but it's looking like I'll have a long-term remission, that being the way things have begun to go for those in the "low to medium (I'm at "medium") risk category" who are responding to the drug regime. They're going to send my CT scans to one of the major GIST centres to be re-read by a GIST-trained radiologist, to check out the two masses in my liver, but should those come back as 'probable GIST', it still isn't bad, because they've been there this whole time, basically unchanged from the first - so nothing is growing.
I was floating on air when I left the Oncologist's office and smiling for a day or longer. And then I just kinda went brain-empty and not thinking or feeling. Except for our weekend trip to Ymir, where I had a lovely time visiting with friends and showing Calli's parents around the event, I've been mostly playing puzzle games on my computer, and have been overly sensitive to Bossman's moods. It finally occurred to me that I was acting like someone with depression. And following on that was the realisation that I shouldn't have been surprised to be so - you know how it goes when you're in 'crisis mode', you can deal with things and even be upbeat & cheery, because that helps things go on, but once the crisis is past, there's always a crash. That would be me right now. I'm coming out of three months of waiting to hear that my time was truly over. Except it's not.
In a way, I was already saying goodbye to life, and was busy getting things ready for my not being here. I had a new purpose, if you will. Now I'm going to be here after all, and I'm going to have to deal with the weight gain and weakness I've developed - and I'm lazy, darn it! I don't wanna! I've got high blood pressure and diabetes, now. It's sufficiently borderline that I should be able to control it with diet & exercise... but I wasn't all that inspired to make the effort, given the recent medical forecast/climate. Now I'm going to have to just deal with the idea that I am going to live into old age and I'd better be getting busy trying to make my body something I don't mind living in! I see sweat and effort in my daily future and I'm not running joyously towards it. But I'd better, if I don't want these two added filips to become permanent*. Arg!
So that's been my week. Except for dealing with the IRS# guy, it's been all good. So I've been down. Or something. But along with that, I'm having moments when I feel like the old me, and I'm loving that. I suspect that my times of self-indulgence will be getting shorter as I regain my equilibrium.
* Right now, the diabeties & high blood pressure are Gleevec-induced.
#The lawyer said, "I have a feeling that this guy is a 20watt bulb in a 40watt socket". He has now changed the total amount we owe, again, from the last set of 'final payment' papers we were served. Now we owe $900 more than we did two weeks ago. I just want this done. Which it will be tomorrow, when we sign away our lives for a second mortgage. And we'll finally meet the guy (he's been dealing with the lawyer all this time) because he insists that he be there to be handed the cheque directly from the loan officer.
I've been depressed. Not because my news was bad! It was actually very good. I just figured out why I've been so withdrawn (bolt of lightning! Hey, dummy, that sounds like - depression! Duh!) so now I need to kick it.
The latest CT scans showed that the spots in my lungs have oddly stopped growing or multiplying. For now. According to the pulmonologist, that means that we won't have to do anything else but another CT scan in three months. We're in 'watching' mode. Cancer hasn't been ruled out, but given the cessation of growth, it'd be a weird one. Not that I would have anything weird! There is still no idea what they are but since they're not doing anything detrimental, we can let it rest.
The oncologist's PA said that with the lack of metastic cells in my tumor, and this year of being NED (no evidence of disease), I am probably in a solid remission. I'll have to continue taking the Gleevec for another two years but it's looking like I'll have a long-term remission, that being the way things have begun to go for those in the "low to medium (I'm at "medium") risk category" who are responding to the drug regime. They're going to send my CT scans to one of the major GIST centres to be re-read by a GIST-trained radiologist, to check out the two masses in my liver, but should those come back as 'probable GIST', it still isn't bad, because they've been there this whole time, basically unchanged from the first - so nothing is growing.
I was floating on air when I left the Oncologist's office and smiling for a day or longer. And then I just kinda went brain-empty and not thinking or feeling. Except for our weekend trip to Ymir, where I had a lovely time visiting with friends and showing Calli's parents around the event, I've been mostly playing puzzle games on my computer, and have been overly sensitive to Bossman's moods. It finally occurred to me that I was acting like someone with depression. And following on that was the realisation that I shouldn't have been surprised to be so - you know how it goes when you're in 'crisis mode', you can deal with things and even be upbeat & cheery, because that helps things go on, but once the crisis is past, there's always a crash. That would be me right now. I'm coming out of three months of waiting to hear that my time was truly over. Except it's not.
In a way, I was already saying goodbye to life, and was busy getting things ready for my not being here. I had a new purpose, if you will. Now I'm going to be here after all, and I'm going to have to deal with the weight gain and weakness I've developed - and I'm lazy, darn it! I don't wanna! I've got high blood pressure and diabetes, now. It's sufficiently borderline that I should be able to control it with diet & exercise... but I wasn't all that inspired to make the effort, given the recent medical forecast/climate. Now I'm going to have to just deal with the idea that I am going to live into old age and I'd better be getting busy trying to make my body something I don't mind living in! I see sweat and effort in my daily future and I'm not running joyously towards it. But I'd better, if I don't want these two added filips to become permanent*. Arg!
So that's been my week. Except for dealing with the IRS# guy, it's been all good. So I've been down. Or something. But along with that, I'm having moments when I feel like the old me, and I'm loving that. I suspect that my times of self-indulgence will be getting shorter as I regain my equilibrium.
* Right now, the diabeties & high blood pressure are Gleevec-induced.
#The lawyer said, "I have a feeling that this guy is a 20watt bulb in a 40watt socket". He has now changed the total amount we owe, again, from the last set of 'final payment' papers we were served. Now we owe $900 more than we did two weeks ago. I just want this done. Which it will be tomorrow, when we sign away our lives for a second mortgage. And we'll finally meet the guy (he's been dealing with the lawyer all this time) because he insists that he be there to be handed the cheque directly from the loan officer.
