In these days of uncertainty....
May. 4th, 2011 10:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stitchwhich... No, not THAT uncertainty!
I'm just unsure, day to day, what is going to be my state. Yesterday was horrid - I was queasy and dizzy all day, and stayed in bed, exhausted, for most of it. As those are side effects of my new drug regime, I also spent parts of the day depressed and worried that such would be what every day would be like in the future. I tried to distract myself by resorting to my computer, but after a few hours of excessive thinskin-ness, I had to ban myself from the Internet. That was after a bout of self-pity and the feeling that I should just resign my Peerage because I turning into such a pathetic example of uselessness... yeah, it was that kind of day.
But upon waking up this morning feeling 'normal', I am more chipper. Yeah, I'm queasy again, which is probably going to be the new norm, but I'm not dizzy and I will, sure as shooting, power through. So I called a friend and made plans to eat lunch together (and let me tell you, after 36 hours of 'toast is all I can handle', I am really looking forward to lunch!) And then I'm going grocery shopping. After that comes the piles of housework that have been mocking me for the last couple of days.
I'm keeping track of each day as I go along. Hopefully, I'll see a pattern or reach a norm that I can just accept as normal and then get on with living easily again. It is the uncertainty that drags me. And I'm keeping my eye on this time next year, when, by the grace of the Gods, I may be able to end the drug therapy and just go with CT-monitoring every 6 months for the rest of my life. My miotic rate gives me a very good chance of that, and I like the idea a lot. A lot better than this morning roulette.
I'm just unsure, day to day, what is going to be my state. Yesterday was horrid - I was queasy and dizzy all day, and stayed in bed, exhausted, for most of it. As those are side effects of my new drug regime, I also spent parts of the day depressed and worried that such would be what every day would be like in the future. I tried to distract myself by resorting to my computer, but after a few hours of excessive thinskin-ness, I had to ban myself from the Internet. That was after a bout of self-pity and the feeling that I should just resign my Peerage because I turning into such a pathetic example of uselessness... yeah, it was that kind of day.
But upon waking up this morning feeling 'normal', I am more chipper. Yeah, I'm queasy again, which is probably going to be the new norm, but I'm not dizzy and I will, sure as shooting, power through. So I called a friend and made plans to eat lunch together (and let me tell you, after 36 hours of 'toast is all I can handle', I am really looking forward to lunch!) And then I'm going grocery shopping. After that comes the piles of housework that have been mocking me for the last couple of days.
I'm keeping track of each day as I go along. Hopefully, I'll see a pattern or reach a norm that I can just accept as normal and then get on with living easily again. It is the uncertainty that drags me. And I'm keeping my eye on this time next year, when, by the grace of the Gods, I may be able to end the drug therapy and just go with CT-monitoring every 6 months for the rest of my life. My miotic rate gives me a very good chance of that, and I like the idea a lot. A lot better than this morning roulette.
