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Sep. 20th, 2011 02:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stitchwhichToday we got word that a man I've never met is dying. His wife, Janeen, had been a steady and kind support to me while I was dealing with the emotional turmoil from learning that I have a vicious form of cancer. She gave me calm in the weeks when I was terrified and my husband was still denying the disease... she explained to me the nature of many men's method of coping; of being overwhelmed by the idea of their loss to the point of denial, resolutely chipping away at that, and then finally being able to deal with it. She encouraged me to give him space and time, and to trust that he'd face it and come back to me, supportive and loving as he had been in other times. And he is, and she was right.
Today her husband, after five years of taking his pills, had a CT scan that showed massive tumors scattered all through his body. Six months ago, his scan was clean. Now - if he sees next spring, it will be a miracle. Because that is the nature of this beast.
This isn't a poor-little-me post. I'd just forgotten, in my anger and my disappointment about the long dragged out version of dirty grade-school games being played in my local group, that the SCA is only a fraction of my life. And that there are many other things for me to cherish and enjoy. The local situation is one that has come and gone in groups all over, in every organisation that has ever formed. It will either heal itself, as the 'sheep' (if you will) wisen up, or it won't - but neither of those futures should prevent me from enjoying time spent with the friends I've made in the SCA now. I regret that it is sucker-punching my husband though. Still, I am more determined, right now, to enjoy the time and the gifts that I have and not dwell on things I cannot prevent or change.
So this evening I thought about Janeen, and her husband, and the lightning bolt that destroyed their peace so quickly and so utterly. And of other friends with dire situations that they are facing. Those are what is worthy of my concern and of my prayers, and if I feel like wallowing in disillusionment, I'd be better served to spend that energy coming up with ways I can help them carry their life-loads.
Today her husband, after five years of taking his pills, had a CT scan that showed massive tumors scattered all through his body. Six months ago, his scan was clean. Now - if he sees next spring, it will be a miracle. Because that is the nature of this beast.
This isn't a poor-little-me post. I'd just forgotten, in my anger and my disappointment about the long dragged out version of dirty grade-school games being played in my local group, that the SCA is only a fraction of my life. And that there are many other things for me to cherish and enjoy. The local situation is one that has come and gone in groups all over, in every organisation that has ever formed. It will either heal itself, as the 'sheep' (if you will) wisen up, or it won't - but neither of those futures should prevent me from enjoying time spent with the friends I've made in the SCA now. I regret that it is sucker-punching my husband though. Still, I am more determined, right now, to enjoy the time and the gifts that I have and not dwell on things I cannot prevent or change.
So this evening I thought about Janeen, and her husband, and the lightning bolt that destroyed their peace so quickly and so utterly. And of other friends with dire situations that they are facing. Those are what is worthy of my concern and of my prayers, and if I feel like wallowing in disillusionment, I'd be better served to spend that energy coming up with ways I can help them carry their life-loads.
