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Sep. 9th, 2021 01:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stitchwhichToday the shrink* and I discussed medication to ease my depression. Before I had my episode of ketoacidosis in April she had brought up a drug that is used to treat bipolar disorder (I cannot remember what it is) and I grew apprehensive about the idea and put the discussion off "until next time". Which didn't arrive until today. She stressed that she did not think I suffered from the disorder but the array of medications possible to treat me is limited by my heart defect - most SSRIs seem to induce palpitations and/or trembling so have to be discontinued. But, but - I really dislike the idea of taking something formulated for a disorder I doubt that I have. So we talked further and I am going to try Zoloft. The lowest dose of it. For a week I will be breaking the pills in half to take a very low dose, then "ramp up" to the actual lowest dose, and we'll see how my body reacts.
I told her that I have come to realise that being creative, crafting things, is central to my world. I know that many medications dull that while they address the depression by reducing both the emotional lows and the highs. If I cannot sew, cook, embroider, woodburn, you know - make things, then there will be very little happiness in life. So we shall see if this works.
Some friends warned me that they found it suppressed sexual desire. Frankly, I don't care about that. I've always been one of those people who can live without it (or flail in the sensual pond widely and deeply!). Decades ago my husband let me know that he'd prefer our relationship to be without sexual aspects. Within an open relationship, that wasn't a burden. Nowadays, well - I'm older, fatter, and lazier. I'm just as happy being celebate. We have a good life together and the stresses of creating and maintaining a relationship outside of that seem like too much work. Or maybe it's just that my last relationship ended so badly that I'd rather never love again. Whatever. Anyway, if that side effect should hit, so be it.
I've been watching a Chinese drama, Ruyi's Royal Love in the Palace on YouTube. It is quite engrossing and the sets and costumes are beautiful. The show has inspired me to try sewing again, if I can get my gumption up for it. I'm a little afraid of making a mistake with the cut of the outfits - I'm sewing Mongolian garb suitable for our household in the SCA rather than Chinese deels although there isn't a great deal of difference between them. I haven't worked myself up to trying the gathered-skirt style of 14th century Mongolian coats. I really need to get started! My fingers itch, now, while I'm watching the show.
*I don't know if she is a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Since her function in my life is to prescribe medication but not to provide counselling, I haven't bothered to find out.
I told her that I have come to realise that being creative, crafting things, is central to my world. I know that many medications dull that while they address the depression by reducing both the emotional lows and the highs. If I cannot sew, cook, embroider, woodburn, you know - make things, then there will be very little happiness in life. So we shall see if this works.
Some friends warned me that they found it suppressed sexual desire. Frankly, I don't care about that. I've always been one of those people who can live without it (or flail in the sensual pond widely and deeply!). Decades ago my husband let me know that he'd prefer our relationship to be without sexual aspects. Within an open relationship, that wasn't a burden. Nowadays, well - I'm older, fatter, and lazier. I'm just as happy being celebate. We have a good life together and the stresses of creating and maintaining a relationship outside of that seem like too much work. Or maybe it's just that my last relationship ended so badly that I'd rather never love again. Whatever. Anyway, if that side effect should hit, so be it.
I've been watching a Chinese drama, Ruyi's Royal Love in the Palace on YouTube. It is quite engrossing and the sets and costumes are beautiful. The show has inspired me to try sewing again, if I can get my gumption up for it. I'm a little afraid of making a mistake with the cut of the outfits - I'm sewing Mongolian garb suitable for our household in the SCA rather than Chinese deels although there isn't a great deal of difference between them. I haven't worked myself up to trying the gathered-skirt style of 14th century Mongolian coats. I really need to get started! My fingers itch, now, while I'm watching the show.
*I don't know if she is a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Since her function in my life is to prescribe medication but not to provide counselling, I haven't bothered to find out.
