(no subject)

[stitchwhich]

Today the shrink* and I discussed medication to ease my depression. Before I had my episode of ketoacidosis in April she had brought up a drug that is used to treat bipolar disorder (I cannot remember what it is) and I grew apprehensive about the idea and put the discussion off "until next time". Which didn't arrive until today. She stressed that she did not think I suffered from the disorder but the array of medications possible to treat me is limited by my heart defect - most SSRIs seem to induce palpitations and/or trembling so have to be discontinued. But, but - I really dislike the idea of taking something formulated for a disorder I doubt that I have. So we talked further and I am going to try Zoloft. The lowest dose of it. For a week I will be breaking the pills in half to take a very low dose, then "ramp up" to the actual lowest dose, and we'll see how my body reacts.

I told her that I have come to realise that being creative, crafting things, is central to my world. I know that many medications dull that while they address the depression by reducing both the emotional lows and the highs. If I cannot sew, cook, embroider, woodburn, you know - make things, then there will be very little happiness in life. So we shall see if this works.

Some friends warned me that they found it suppressed sexual desire. Frankly, I don't care about that. I've always been one of those people who can live without it (or flail in the sensual pond widely and deeply!). Decades ago my husband let me know that he'd prefer our relationship to be without sexual aspects. Within an open relationship, that wasn't a burden. Nowadays, well - I'm older, fatter, and lazier. I'm just as happy being celebate. We have a good life together and the stresses of creating and maintaining a relationship outside of that seem like too much work. Or maybe it's just that my last relationship ended so badly that I'd rather never love again. Whatever. Anyway, if that side effect should hit, so be it.

I've been watching a Chinese drama, Ruyi's Royal Love in the Palace on YouTube. It is quite engrossing and the sets and costumes are beautiful. The show has inspired me to try sewing again, if I can get my gumption up for it. I'm a little afraid of making a mistake with the cut of the outfits - I'm sewing Mongolian garb suitable for our household in the SCA rather than Chinese deels although there isn't a great deal of difference between them. I haven't worked myself up to trying the gathered-skirt style of 14th century Mongolian coats. I really need to get started! My fingers itch, now, while I'm watching the show.


*I don't know if she is a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Since her function in my life is to prescribe medication but not to provide counselling, I haven't bothered to find out.

Comments

[kareina]

I am with you on the importance of being creative!

I am sorry to hear that you had such an unpleasant break-up. Having recently fallen head-over-heels in love, and loving every moment of it, I kinda hope that everyone else who might enjoy that feeling gets to feel it again sooner rather than later.

Years ago I tried the depo-provera shot for birth control, which was fine after the first shot, but the second shot would have been due while I was out of town for a few weeks, so I took it early. This resulted in a side effect of total shutdown of not only sexual desire, but also any ability of my body to produce the fluids needed to facilitate sex. I wouldn't have minded this at all, since the absence of desire was complete enough not to miss it. However, on that trip I was visiting a lover I hadn't seen in a couple of years and thus would have enjoyed having the option for more than just curling up in his arms.

If you don't have any current lovers you might not even notice a decrease in sexual desire if you aren' looking for it.

[hrj]

With the emphatic statement that I am not a medical doctor, I wanted to respond to your concern "I really dislike the idea of taking something formulated for a disorder I doubt that I have."

In a very real sense, incredibly few** drugs are formulated for a specific disorder. It's generally a matter of finding the best intersection between the effects that a particular drug has and the effects that make positive changes in one's overall state of health. Consider the lowly aspirin. Is it formulated for headaches? Is it formulated as a blood thinner? Is it formulated as an anti-inflammatory? Not really any of those -- it's a substance that has been found to have those effects (along with other effects that may be less beneficial).

Experiencing effective results from a drug that is primarily used to treat X doesn't mean that you are suffering from X.

**"Incredibly few" and not "no" because when you get into things like gene therapy or antibody-based therapeutics, you can have drugs that _are_ very narrowly tailored to address specific conditions. But I don't believe that's the sort of thing we're talking about here.

[stitchwhich]

I understand and agree with what you've written* and suspect that my negative reaction comes more from personal experience with a couple of people who suffer from bipolar disorder and were quite, ah, nasty, to be around. I fear being in the same "category" as them. I don't want to think that I exhibit the same sort of viciousness and self-centeredness that they do. (See, it's all about me, all about me.) Or maybe I should say that my insecurity is such that I fear that I am actually as horrible towards others as they are, which behavior has been "excused" as a symptom of their disorder.

*Heck, my cancer, which is so rare that research into it is not a part of the ACS's mandate, was cured thanks to a pill designed to deliver genetic therapy for leukemia, which I did not have. I now bless the kit-15 gene. Otherwise I would have been dead a decade ago.

[baronessekat]

I have been on Zoloft for roughly 12 years. I have a mild to moderate tremor, depending on if I have to take my prescription migraine pills or not. I cope because without it I just cannot function.

Good luck

[stitchwhich]

When I tried SSRIs before, my tremors started at about the same time each day, at dose time. Then earlier and stronger, then even earlier and stronger yet, and then the palpitations began to set in. And then I discontinued use. So there's that. I was born with a cardiac arrhythmia condition which was corrected in my late 30s but the damage wasn't 100% addressed. We assume that serotonin may play into the conditions which induce the arrhythmia and tremors. (You might remember back oh that long ago, when I came to Pennsic and said I could drink alcohol for the first time in my life, and that I was "reborn" in that I coded out and they brought me back, so we celebrated my "second birthday" for a few years. Although I was mostly working at the Troll Booth when that happened.)