It Might Have Been an Error of Judgement
Sep. 13th, 2021 03:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stitchwhichThis evening an owner/Admin of a Facebook group I am a member of posted saying that he was thinking of dissolving the group. We'd had a young woman join and she posted a picture of herself in a very Goth outfit while the group is comprised of SCA members who portray Viking Norse personae. She was treated very rudely in the comments by many of the commenters, to the point that she left the group. The owner's post was addressing that behavior. And he mentioned that he had asked for help "again and again" and that "no one ever stepped up". So I did. I agreed with him that the troll-like behaviour was rude and inappropriate and volunteered to help if I could. He asked me to send him a private message. I did, and that led to a video chat.
Because of that chat I am questioning my decision to help (he made me a moderator). Apparently while I wasn't reading the posts, he commented that we should not be rude to "that girl". A female member of the group took him to task for calling the young woman a girl. He said he didn't mean anything derogatory by it and she replied with a short lecture about denigrating women... so he deleted their conversation and banned her from the group. Because, he told me, "he ain't got time for that and doesn't need to be lectured about how to speak about women." The woman's husband posted a remark afterwards asking about the situation and Owner-Dude is debating banning him too.
It turns out that the owner of the group quit the SCA several years ago "because of all the politics and nasty behavior of his local group". And he stopped playing with his (very large) fighting household for the same reason. I can relate - I've quit interacting with my own local group because of difficulties dealing with certain personalities and their followers. It does happen. I've also been in long enough to know that these sort of things cycle and it won't be the same group dynamic in a year or two. But listening to him I got a strong impression that the problems he has been experiencing were self-imposed. He is definitely a his-way-or-the-highway kind of guy.
If he wasn't on the brink of archiving the group I think I wouldn't have agreed to help moderate. Hopefully over time I can either soften him towards others or lead him to retire from ownership and let another moderator become the owner so he won't have to be as involved.
Because of that chat I am questioning my decision to help (he made me a moderator). Apparently while I wasn't reading the posts, he commented that we should not be rude to "that girl". A female member of the group took him to task for calling the young woman a girl. He said he didn't mean anything derogatory by it and she replied with a short lecture about denigrating women... so he deleted their conversation and banned her from the group. Because, he told me, "he ain't got time for that and doesn't need to be lectured about how to speak about women." The woman's husband posted a remark afterwards asking about the situation and Owner-Dude is debating banning him too.
It turns out that the owner of the group quit the SCA several years ago "because of all the politics and nasty behavior of his local group". And he stopped playing with his (very large) fighting household for the same reason. I can relate - I've quit interacting with my own local group because of difficulties dealing with certain personalities and their followers. It does happen. I've also been in long enough to know that these sort of things cycle and it won't be the same group dynamic in a year or two. But listening to him I got a strong impression that the problems he has been experiencing were self-imposed. He is definitely a his-way-or-the-highway kind of guy.
If he wasn't on the brink of archiving the group I think I wouldn't have agreed to help moderate. Hopefully over time I can either soften him towards others or lead him to retire from ownership and let another moderator become the owner so he won't have to be as involved.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 07:20 pm (UTC)I hope the guy doesn't flounce and torch the whole group. I'm sure there's a lot of valuable info in there for longtime members who are not interested in trolling and stirring the pot.
Certainly some people have no social skills whatsoever.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 12:53 am (UTC)Sounds messy. I sympathise.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-15 02:05 am (UTC)Oh wow, that sounds challenging. I hope you're able to improve things. If you can't, it's on him not you -- he hasn't given you much to work with.